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I seem to be having a crisis!
It's possibly because of all the major life changes I've had recently- I don't think I've mentioned on here but I'm going through a divorce and things have been very hard for me recently but the unexpected casualty of this is my writing.
I'm sorry to be very deep and philosophical here but I no longer know what I want out of life and, even though that feels very self-indulgent to get hyped up over, it feels important to me. And not knowing where I'm going or what I want feels so scary and like I'm driving without a compass. And my writing falls into this because I don't even know how I feel about writing anymore.
My passion for writing seems to have ebbed away to a mere mild interest and I feel like a fraud. If I really wanted to write for my future I would be writing.
TBers, I pop in and out of here but you have always been a loyal friend in a crisis. Has anyone else felt like this and how did you get through it? Should I give up on what now feels like a romantic idea or just keep going until I get the passion back?
I'm sorry to be very deep and philosophical here but I no longer know what I want out of life and, even though that feels very self-indulgent to get hyped up over, it feels important to me. And not knowing where I'm going or what I want feels so scary and like I'm driving without a compass. And my writing falls into this because I don't even know how I feel about writing anymore.
My passion for writing seems to have ebbed away to a mere mild interest and I feel like a fraud. If I really wanted to write for my future I would be writing.
TBers, I pop in and out of here but you have always been a loyal friend in a crisis. Has anyone else felt like this and how did you get through it? Should I give up on what now feels like a romantic idea or just keep going until I get the passion back?
Comments
Divorce is really hard and it's not surprising it's thrown you off kilter.
Don't expect things to feel 'normal' for a while, but once you have had some time it will settle down and then your writing passion will no doubt return along with the rest of normality. In the meantime, I wouldn't push yourself to write - or do much else that you don'tt have to do - just do what makes you feel best for now.
Trust me, been there, done that! xx
The stress continues, and there are days when the precipice looks inviting and I want to jump. But slowly the light has flickered, and the creativity is coming back. It takes a while, but something as strong as that never goes away.
There is too much going on for you to focus right now, but it will get better. Dont give up. Give it time.
Writing is emotional as well as cerebral, and your emotions are all over the place at present. All manner of things will seem pointless just now. People you know well will seem unnecessary. It's part of your brain's way of handling the big things - cut out the peripheries, and cope with one bit at a time.
Divorce, for whatever reason, is the end of something that used to matter. You need to grieve for the lost hopes and dreams, the lost ideas of love and the future. You will come out the other side of this into a world changed from what you had expected it to be, but as yet unknown. You will re-learn what you need in your life, and what you want there.
I wish you the very best of luck, Emma.
You're going through a major upheaval and that will really knock the stuffing out of you and all that you do.
Don't worry about not writing at the moment, it will all come back when your life gets on more of an even keel (excuse all these clich
I can't agree more with what bertiebear has said....once the tumult of the actual 'happening' is over, you'll feel stronger and write more...everyone's right when they say it will come back. Life is about getting knocked down 7 times and getting up 8....if you're worried about keeping on writing during it, get the most beautiful journal you can find, and keep it completely private. Use it as a journal, of whatever you feel like writing at the time. Take the pressure off; try not to think about it. No editing allowed! It's purely for you to express, observe, note down, put beautiful or inspiring pictures in...and then close the book. I think I read something on your blog about wanting to do more lucid dreaming? Try writing first thing in the morning - it's quite helpful and it means you're writing, even though it's not 'work'. Be gentle with yourself. Try to suspend judgement. Rediscover joy - which will take time - and the writing will come from that.
Red - hug for you, too; sounds like you've had to be really strong and sometimes it's nice to hear someone acknowledge that - I hope you have someone to give you a hug (or a waterproof shoulder!) in 'real' life.
Thankfully, yes I do have someone to keep me sane (and put up with me) and provide the hugs.
More recently we have been going through a very traumatic period in our lives related to a court case in Bulgaria where we have bought a house that has turned out not to be ours. We have had to draw a line in the sand and try and just live our lives while the case goes on, we stand to lose all of our money but there's so much more to it than that. I have to say that there are many times when I too feel like a fraud, it's easy to think that if it is something you really want you'd be doing it but life isn't like that is it?
Life is a challenge, some things are more challenging than others, but hopefully you will come out the other side a better person and an even better writer. Thinking of you :)
Intense strain - so much more than anything else. It is a death - a death of one life, AND plunge into an unknown, with the loss of all sorts of other things - familiarity, routine, money, some freedoms, house, furniture, time with children...
The thinking about all the aspects surrounding the business of divorce.
The emotional toll.
The loss of creativity. your creative capacity is taken up with finding new ways of doing things. BUT - you will find ways of doing things. and when all settles, your creativity will come back, and what is more, you will have a lot of it, as that sort of creativity has had a rest.
Hope it returns soon, and all goes well. Don't worry, Emma. You will always be a writer. Just having a small break to regroup.
I trawled my way through this, and a number of other stressful events in the space of three years. Writing didn't get a look in. I gave up on it to be honest. I was too stressed, depressed and hurting to construct anything considered like prose. Self esteem took a monumental dive, along with my health. The only thing that mattered was my daughter at the time.
The ideas stopped, the inspiration smothered.
It was a slow climb out, now married, another little one to stress me out, and plenty of confidence to share but the writing came back into my life when 'it' was ready. I know me a lot more than I ever did, I know what I can cope with. But more importantly, I believe my writing is stronger for it.
Relax and enjoy what light there is in your life right now, as I'm fairly certain you feel like everything is against you most of the time.
Lots of love and hugs ((((((((((((((((((((Emma)))))))))))))))))))))
I too know from experience how you are feeling - though at the time it seems like no one else could possibly understand, because you don't understand yourself.
Try to take things slowly and know that the urge to write will come back, but maybe not yet because you are too fragile. But it will come and you will feel better.
I also know from experience, that keeping in touch on TB here helps a lot. It is the most supportive group of people on the internet !
Thinking of you Emma, and Red and all of us who are a bit vulnerable for whatever reason.
Take care x
You're not a fraud - nearly all writers take a break from their writing occassionally. That doesn't mean they weren't serious about it before nor that they won't be again in the future. And what if you do give up completely? Personally I'm not at all sure you will, but if you do then it's your life and your choice. It's not a decision you have to make right now.
It has made me feel better about the situation and less alone. I guess I do need to take things slowly and just accept how I feel at the moment and that it won't always be like this.
Thank you all and (((hugs))) to everyone who has felt similar x
Just go with what feels right and don't stress about not writing. On a world-wide scale, it's not worth losing sleep over. (When you're feeling better it will be the be-all and end-all once again!)
Your writing will come back. But don't worry about it for now. If you feel like writing down some of your thoughts, do it. If not, wait. There will come a time when you want to write again, I'm sure.
I've been this too (the divorce thing) - many years ago. It can be horrendous. It was for me. I was suddenly without partner and job (which came to an end at the same time) and income and it looked for a while as though I might lose my home. It was terrifying, for a while. But there is life on the other side, take it from me (and everyone who has been there too). You will come through. Things will get better. Meanwhile, lots of hugs,
Ros
This is an amazing thread - full of sound advice and shared emotion. Life hurls things at us every which way - I've had my share and would only echo that time really does heal.
I can only echo the sentiments already expressed. If you don't feel like writing, you certainly can't force it but inspiration will hit you on the back of the scone when you least expect it. Just hang in there and do the very best for yourself that you can at the moment. Good luck, Emma. xx
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9oRLXQJqXdM
I feel like a writing fraud every single day of the year and never feel as though I should even be here mingling with 'real' writers. I see from the above comments that a lot of us must feel that way. (In an odd way, that's comforting to find out)
(((((((((((((((((((TeeBee-ers)))))))))))))))
Never be afraid or embarrassed to hurt, and to say you are hurting. We are all only human, and without the lows,the highs would be very shallow.
We all understand that lack of inspiration and or motivation. Just be prepared for when it comes back, it comes back with a trickle then a massive rush.
I always find that reading a good book gets my creative juices flowing - and my optimism soaring
'orrible times is gonna grab ya by the guts now and then but sooner or later good times will come again. The experiences will, in the end, be grist to yer mill.
thinkin' of ya.
Luv,
C
If you want to go the self-help route Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now is very good on the self, the ego, detachment and perspective.
sending love,
Ana
Two things I have learned over the last couple of years, 1) I can't do everything and 2) If I haven't been able to do not to beat myself up over it. Things seem to be getting better a few words at a time.
Hang in there girl it will get better, then you will write that bestseller and wonder what all the stressing was for ((((emma))))
Friends are ALWAYS around.
Yes I agree, it helps you to refocus on what really matters.
I have had to put writing on hold for a year whilst dealing with a multitude of life issues, but am back with renewed vigour. So, be patient, you will come through this, then you'll have more time for YOU again.
Yes Lolli I am intending to go to Swanwick this year. I had an amazing time and I know just going will have a hugely positive effect on my writing. I don't really know how to respond to the rest of your comments, I know you're being supportive and thoughtful but that side of things feels a bit too personal and raw to delve into right now.