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Opinions please: Writing dialect
I'm messing about with a piece involving dialect, first person, and trying to strike a balance between readability and authenticity. Reproducing a paragraph below using both styles. Comments and criticism welcome.
1 Authentic (sort of)
"Soon after I’d started with Janis, Freda announced ‘er were up the duff, an' ‘er an’ Tite would ’ave to wed. This come as a shock to Tite, cos Wolverhampton Sally ‘ad just told ‘im the same thing. Tite were most confused as to what to do, but as Sally were in Wolverhampton an’ Freda were in Foundry Street, an' ‘er dad ‘ad promised to break Tite’s legs if ‘e day marry ‘er, ‘e thought it most prudent to wed Freda."
2.More readable?
"Soon after I’d started with Janis, Freda announced her were up the duff, and her and Tite would have to wed. This come as a shock to Tite, cos Wolverhampton Sally had just told him the same thing. Tite were most confused as to what to do, but as Sally were in Wolverhampton and Freda were in Foundry Street, and her dad had promised to break Tite’s legs if he day marry her, he thought it most prudent to wed Freda."
If I do decide to drop aitches and 'd's' will it look better without the apostrophes indicating the missing letters?
Ta.
(It's a short story, not a 100,000 worder! )
1 Authentic (sort of)
"Soon after I’d started with Janis, Freda announced ‘er were up the duff, an' ‘er an’ Tite would ’ave to wed. This come as a shock to Tite, cos Wolverhampton Sally ‘ad just told ‘im the same thing. Tite were most confused as to what to do, but as Sally were in Wolverhampton an’ Freda were in Foundry Street, an' ‘er dad ‘ad promised to break Tite’s legs if ‘e day marry ‘er, ‘e thought it most prudent to wed Freda."
2.More readable?
"Soon after I’d started with Janis, Freda announced her were up the duff, and her and Tite would have to wed. This come as a shock to Tite, cos Wolverhampton Sally had just told him the same thing. Tite were most confused as to what to do, but as Sally were in Wolverhampton and Freda were in Foundry Street, and her dad had promised to break Tite’s legs if he day marry her, he thought it most prudent to wed Freda."
If I do decide to drop aitches and 'd's' will it look better without the apostrophes indicating the missing letters?
Ta.
(It's a short story, not a 100,000 worder! )
Comments
The first version is tiring to read and all the apostrophes get in the way. I rarely get past the first paragraph is stories written like that, I'm afraid.
The 'day' confused me a bit - I assume it means didn't, but I would lose that.
e.g. no 2
Soon after I’d started with Janis, Freda announced she was "up the duff," and she and Tite would "have to wed".
Yes - you need to put apostrophes to indicate missing letters.
Like Heather, I didn't understand day but worked out from context what it meant.
The first one was a bit jerky to read - which is a shame as I enjoyed reading it in the northern accent and could hear the voice. I just think too many abbreviations interrupt the flow and might get irritating in the long run, though would be fine in a short passage.
Is there a book already written in dialect which you could have a look at, sm?
The second version sounds oddly stilted, and the clash between the formal language and the dialect doesn't work, for me.
Is there a dialect dictionary available for the specific area that could help with the actual spellings? I have dictionaries for Norfolk, Scouse, Scots and Cockney Rabbit but don't know as much as I'd like about Midlands accents.
There's a site called We Love Accents, think they cover Black Country stuff but I guess Wolverhampton folk use different words to those from Brum or Coventry. Finish your story, you can always decide how best to present it later - your characterisation is strong.
You need the lilt, the sound of the dialect without going to the level of your first version- which would be unreadable to many readers.
Less is more.
Good Luck and enjoy .....
From my point of view, I have the advantage of being able to 'hear' what I'm writing, although, even though I can write in the general tone and style of the dialect, the inflections and nuances of the spoken word, can't satisfactorily be reproduced.
The piece in question is for my U3A meeting on Friday, and will be read aloud, and in that context, I think it will probably work quite well. but I think I'll call 'time' on dialect after that. It's obviously OK in small doses but I get the impression that the general reader would quickly glaze over if confronted with page after page.
Not the Next Big Thing in publishing.
https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CC8QFjAA&url=http://www.sedgleymanor.com/dictionaries/dialect.html&ei=syk8U6DvB-aV7AbG_oCwCQ&usg=AFQjCNHQIGKaL0tY77QkkKjLlvcaAxpU2w&sig2=TvhtgRrGNZPRfLg8AqpsuA&bvm=bv.63934634,d.ZGU
I'm from the Black Country. I don't speak with the dialect really, but I know it slips out sometimes. Like when I'm "gooin" out. But nothing like my granddad's use of the lingo, when he'd ask how you are: "Ow bis thee, ma mon?"
counties. Local people talk about a couple of three.
As a young man I made many 'romantic' excursions in to the Black Country (long before I met Mme snail). The journey from Quinton, down Mucklow Hill in to Halesowen, was just over a mile, but 60 years ago it was like landing on another planet. Rumour was, they were still eating each other 'down the Lye'.
My university did an experiment, Liz, presenting the same lecture with professors from different parts of the country. The lecture presented by the professor with the BC accent rated lowest, even though it was verbatim the same lecture.
While I was doing my 'thing' in the library on Wednesday, 'Storytime' was going on in the kiddies' section for a group of tots (very cute). The lady who was reading to them had such a broad Lancashire accent - an accent you don't here much round these parts - and the children were fascinated. It brought a lovely flavour to the stories.
A couple of miles from me is a town called Knowsley. When I was a child there was a distinctive Knowsley accent - I remember my great-uncle used to pronounce my name Merk (as did a classmate at Grammar school who also lived in Knowsley). My great-uncle told me he used the park and ride to go to Everton because if you drove to the ground there was nowhere to perk the cer.
Nowadays everyone who lives in a ten-mile radius of Liverpool speaks in a scouse accent. The Knowsley accent was very pleasing to the ear and I am sad that it is no more. Despite living so close to Liverpool I don't find the scouse accent pleasant.
But I have a caveat - in t'olden days, you would not have strayed outside your area of accent. Nowadays, you do.
If you are a communicator, then you need to be able to speak to people in a way that they can understand everything you are saying. A lecture is a case in point - it would be easy to misunderstand, or get even the opposite view of what the lecturer is saying if you missed a negative or a positive qualifier.
I think if the children are taught to speak RP at school at least they have a better chance of 'getting' phonics which are the only it seems way of teaching reading at the minute (disgraceful, all children learn in different ways). They will still be able to speak in accent at home and outside school, and hopefully they are not being made to feel ashamed of their way of talking.