There I woz...[fun]

edited August 2014 in Off-topic
So there I woz in a hosptial bed when ...
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  • .. in walked a green man wearing a tutu.
    "I'm your birthday present," he announced in a strange accent, and began to ..
  • ... pirouette on the tea trolley. 'This can't be real,' I thought. 'It must be...
  • the pills that nurse gave me earlier. I know how to test whether the jolly green man is real or a figment of my imagination, I'll just...
  • try one of them myself. Now where's that glass of . .
  • Magic Mushroom wine?
  • That's the last thing I remember before ...
  • the white coats came to fetch me.
    The next thing I knew I was sitting in this chair. They say I'll be fine 'in time' but meanwhile I look out of this window. The things I see you wouldn't believe! Why, only yesterday . .
  • I saw the cast of Glee riding past on a carnival float, sitting on camper chairs, looking glum, their arms folded tightly; and that was followed by...
  • the realisation it was carnival day and raining heavily. That explained the glum expressions, but not ...
  • ...the pair of pink elephants that were flying past my window.
    "Wait up!" I shouted. "I want you to...
  • Be of good cheer when I play my ukelele and sing my rendition of my favourite song which is........ :-\"
  • edited September 2014
    Rescue the Perishing, which I once played on the Mighty Wurlitzer at Scunthorpe Working Mens Club, back in the days when a mighty organ was something to brag about. People used to tell me...
  • they loved watching the way I handled it, especially when it rose to such great heights. On one occasion Mrs Allthrop, the icecream seller . .
  • became so heated in her excitement she was giving the patrons .......
  • Kisses ...
  • Meanwhile, I woz in hospital looking out of the window....
  • when I saw the cast of Glee riding past on a carnival float. I had a sense of deja vu, although they were dressed as pink elephants, and something seemed a bit off about that. I felt unsettled, so I got up for a walk and realised I wasn't wearing shoes or socks. The floor was lovely and soft, though. The walls, too.

    Then I noticed...
  • LizLiz
    edited September 2014
    a nurse I didn't recognise, probably because she was wearing a mask, come up and attached a suction pump to my...
  • head and there was the weirdest floaty sensation as my brains were sucked out. "Don't worry, Dear," Nurse said in a soothing nursey voice, "We will be replacing them soon with . .
  • Several episodes of 'Homes under the Hammer' and 'Bargain Hunt' which will be much more use to you now that...
  • .. you even listen ing to me any more?" I heard Nurse through a fog of other sounds - sounds that seemed to come from a great distance - and then there was a flash of green light and ...
  • I was back in my favourite armchair at home. But then...
  • .. I realised it wasn't my armchair at all, and I definitely wasn't at home.
    I wriggled my toes - why wasn't I wearing shoes? - and the most disgusting slime ozzed between them and began climbing up my legs. When it reached my calves . . .
  • It started singing 'Waltzing Matilda' and offered me a packet of cheese and onion crisps which I...
  • edited September 2014
    shared with Richard111, passing through on his way to Positively His Last Appearance at Bosworth. "Love the slime," gushed Richard...
  • Meanwhile in a town on the edge of the galaxy...
  • edited September 2014
    the long discredited and mostly forgotten superhero, Mustapha the Camel , was planning a punitive spam attack on the Talkback forum, aided by alien life forms who...
  • *tuts*
    There is no place for a camelist agenda on this thread, TN. If you cannot contain your bile I shall have to ask Stan2 to eject you.
    *outraged*

    ...the long discredited and mostly forgotten superhero, Mustapha the Camel , was planning a punitive spam attack on the Talkback forum, aided by alien life forms who...

  • as double-agents, already had in place a cunning and devious plan to keep all dromedaries and bactrians, anything with a hump really, away from...
  • TB. Meanwhile, a herd of wild escapee wallabies, newly arrived from the Isle of Man where they had been breeding successfully for generations, bounded into view. "G'day Mate!" said their leader, "Any chance of ...
  • directing us to that town on the edge of the galaxy where Mustapha the Camel is holed up? He's mobilising alien life forms to take over Talkback, and the IOM Free Wallaby Militia is very... "
  • .. bouncy at the moment. In fact here comes one now, her pocket full of ..
  • camel nuts...
  • Warniing! Going off-topic!!
    Snail! Just because you've reached the grand old age of 78 there's no need to get the hump with every damn thread!

    *puts hands on hips and sighs heavily*
  • Yes, Mustapha had finally been castrated and finding himself listless and no longer interested in infiltrating story threads on TB...
  • [-(
    Write your own bluddy stories then.
    Mustapha's too good for TB anyway.
  • Come back...come back, shouted Richard as he followed the slim trail down into a large cave. He heard a muttering sound, somewhere, in the darkness...
  • From Stan in his hospital bed desperate in the night to do a ....
  • ... midnight raid for a Cornish pasty from the local garage. Like a limping ninja he crept out of the hospital, bumping into...
  • .. a straying lamppost and knocking himself sillier thatn usual. Staggering across the road he fell down an open manhole, landed with a splash in a mixture of indescribable filth, and said, ...
  • "Shit"

    He looked in both directions of the sewer, pondering his next move, his stomach growled in protest - there were no cornish pasties to be found down here.

    Electing to go left he carefully waded through the filth until he found...
  • ... what appeared to be the remnants of...
  • ...a human skeleton. He shivered. There was something there, in it's boney hand, he went in for a closer look and found...
  • ...nothing other than the blow part of a bagpipe - and attached to it was the rest of the instrument. As Stan tried to make sense of it all, the skeleton suddenly sat bolt upright, put the bagpipe to its rattling jaws and...
  • ...began to play. The tune was haunting, harrowing, like nothing Stan had heard before. He turned and fled, crashing through the tide of slop without a second thought. Finding a ladder he climbed like his life depended on it - no, he knew his life depended on it. Reaching the top he heaved at the manhole cover above him, pushing it aside. Climbing out of the sewer he found himself in...
  • edited September 2014
    .. the path of a double-decker bus.
    With the bony hand scrabbling at his ankles and the huge front grille of the bus approaching, there was only one thing he could do -
  • Swallow a tin of spinach to gain strength to stop the on- coming bus and to escape the bony hand. Then ...
  • his muscles bulging, he hoicked himself up and leapfrogged the bus, only to land in...
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