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Is it any good?

edited June 2007 in - Writing Problems

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  • Hello Talkback users.  I am a long time subscriber to Writing / Writers News but have never used this forum before, so please excuse my first post as it is a plea for help.

    I launched my own company in February this year and I would like the opinions of any of you out there who are prepared to help.

    My company specialises in helping people to quit smoking.  It is a product I developed myself in order to conquer my own 20 year battle with the dreaded ciggies.  However as good as the product is, it is of no use if people do not understand it or feel compelled to try.

    I have many wonderful friends but it is becoming increasingly hard for them to be objective as they now all know what I am doing.

    If you would be so kind please take a moment to help somebody who would love your opinion as a writer and a consumer.  If you can please take a look at one or all of the three websites I am running ( testing different marketing messages)


    Original site - www.pop2stop.com
    Long copy site - www.quitmap.squarespace.com
    Latest site - www.pop2stop.info

    Thank you in advance for any helpful feedback you can provide


    Mick
  • Hi, welcome to Talkback. I took a quick sneaky look (I am at work and shouldn't be doing this but I have a reading to do tonight and that will involve meditation/concentration) and thought yes, this is nice. Your second one needs graphics, or highlights, or bolds, or change of fonts for headings to break it up. It's a bit samey otherwise. As a long time back quitter I didn't read it all, (no time)but it looks interesting. I would go for a darker font, though, the pale ones don't jump out as well.

    Watch the it's, in one line it is right first time and then you ignore it second time. In another place you have a capital letter, just one, in the middle of a sentence. A sort of proofing job needs to go on.  I like the graphics on the first site and rather missed them on the others, it needs jazzing up a bit to keep the attention. Remember the Internet dictate, you have 8 seconds to capture your viewer.  Brighter colours, bigger fonts for the opening screen, perhaps, will grab them. This is strictly my opinion, nothing more.
    Best of luck!
  • Thank you so much for taking the time.  I have taken on board your comments and will look at adding visuals as on the first site.  Seems obvious once you said it.  Thanks again
  • Welcome to Talkback.
  • Hi, Mick. Welcome to Talkback. Best of luck with your campaign.
  • When I looked at the pop2stop website, I couldn't leave it via the backbutton and had to close my browser meaning I had to reconnect to the internet all over again.  This can be very irritating and you should ensure that your website allows surfers to go back to the referring site.
  • Hi all, thanks for letting me have your comments.  All have been noted and I appreciate there relevance. 
    For all those who have welcomed me to Talkback, thank you very much and I hope to look in more often. 
    I have just spent the last hour looking around writing sites and nothing seems to be as good as this one.  Do any of you have any other good sites that an aspirational writer could visit
  • Leaving the site? The BACK arrow works OK (browser is Flock).

    I quit over 30 years ago and I realised that associating unpleasantness and all the negatives helps enormously. If you associate (positive) reward you will never cease anything. It's just TOO 'enjoyable'. The physiological addiction to nicotine is over in a few weeks, but the psychological 'addiction' can take a lifetime. In this case only suspending smoking will happen. Unfortunately, the chances are that a return to smoking will occur and every day without the nicotine fix will be pure Hell. The desire to stop must be absolute. No compromises. Nicotine is the most potent alkaloidal drug kown to Man. As a class A drug, even more dangerous than heroin.

    See, for example: pyramidcomm.blogspot.com/2006/11/cannabis-or-tobacco-or-worse.html

    To give up you must really want to do it. Stop completely and no cutting down. The cord that ties the individual to nicotine must be severed. Immediately.

    The invitation to suggest sites is too much of a challenge to ignore. You could try mine! The intergrated blog article on nicotine comes from there (The Devil's Advocate). And I'd be interested in your comments.

    Good luck, Mick
  • If you need any advice/help with proofing, copy-editing, I will happily help. Elizabeth
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