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Was and Were

FlickFlick
edited June 2006 in - Writing Problems

Comments

  • FlickFlick
    I've just had a chapter of one of my books critiqued and the guy pointed out that I had overused was and were. He said he'd read that publishers just dismiss work where they see these words used too much. Having PAID for a critique that failed to point this out and having had another critique for free that failed to point it out - is it something I should worry about or not? The rest of his critique was very good - excellent points made so I really think what he's saying about was and were must be right but has anyone else come across this?
  • TrooTroo
    What a prat. Ignore him. What other words are you going to use to explain the locations of items and people in the past tense?

    If he said "You use was and were too much, try reconstructing some sentences to avoid them just to cut out repetition", I'd listen to him. "Oh, I heard some publishers will BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN FOR THIS TRANSGRESSION!!!" isn't exactly constructive criticism ;)
  • FlickFlick
    Thanks Troo. I think I've become paranoid about this now. I thought I'd just search for 'was' and then 'were' to see if they were (oops) there too much. I don't know whether I'd be changing sentences for the sake of it. I'm expecting to get at least 6 other people critiquing the chapter so I'll see if they pick up on it.
  • JennyJenny
    'Was' and 'were' aren't a problem when I'm reading, but I don't like great dollops of narrative that use the pluperfect (as in 'had had') unnecessarily.

    If authors used a little forethought the perfect tense could be used instead and all the repeated 'hads' avoided. Then I could get on with the story instead of mentally changing the tenses myself!
  • Jay MandalJay Mandal
    I'm confused. How would you use the perfect instead of the pluperfect?
  • FlickFlick
    ooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
    I knew I should have changed my name! There is no hiding place. I hope I was constructive nenastew5. Are you the one that I critiqued last night? Treespeaker? Actually I have accepted that the guy might have had a point about the was/were. I am going to go through my book and  put the words on search and see if I've used them when I should have used the perfect tense. The people that critiqued my chapter made some excellent points overall. I really thought it was as perfect as I could get it and now I see I'm wrong. I don't agree with all they said but they pointed out things I should have spotted and didn't. Now I have to do yet another big edit.
  • TrooTroo
    My big crime is adverbs. But as mentioned above, this is what shelf-time is for. I read one of my short stories after a week on the shelf, pen in hand, and crossed out over 50 of the little bastards.
  • FlickFlick
    Nenastew5, You know, the less people have to say the more encouraging it is. I found it very hard to think of what to say about yours. I would have been more comfortable if I'd read a lot of fantasy but I haven't even read Lord of the Rings. What I DO recognise though, is someone who can write and YOU CAN WRITE!!!! While you're waiting for more crits, bear in mind that some of the people critiquing are teenagers with not much experience and others are not very good writers themselves - lots of grammar mistakes etc.
  • WebboWebbo
    Hello everyone,
    Following a couple of recent postings, I would like to remind Talkback users that we will not tolerate offensive language in the forum.
    I quote from the Acceptable Use Policy:
    'Bad language or threatening behaviour is not acceptable. Postings containing any language likely to offend other readers will be deleted. This also applies to any messages containing offensive statements relating to sexual orientation, race, religion or other factors having no relevance to the subject.'
    Thank you,
    Webbo
  • FlickFlick
    I AM having fun. After eliminating all unneeded was's and were's I've been advised to check and double check for passive tense so I need to look at am, is, be, been etc as well. Plus not too many adjectives. Or adverbs come to that. Maybe I should go down James Joyce's route and lose the punctuation. I could cut all pronouns just for fun. I need to put in some *** and *** and *** just to annoy Webbo. I can smell a publisher's interest already.
  • JennyJenny
    You could also try cutting out some of the vowels and a few consonants.

    And are 'the' and 'and' really necessary??!!!
  • FlickFlick
    You're absolutely right Jenny. I feel myself sliding into 'wordless novel' a partner to those fabulous odes on the poetry link
  • FlickFlick
    Now I'm intrigued enough to look for his story. I just had a very shirty message from someone I'd critiqued telling me I was wrong, wrong, wrong. They didn't understand me blah blah. I worried about it for hours!!! Finally decided it wasn't me it was them.
  • JennyJenny
    I wonder if any famous writers have ever dared to put something unpublished up for comment on the internet - under a pseudonym, of course, and before it's been 'improved' by anyone else.

    Shame there's no way of knowing!
  • FlickFlick
    Thanks for that. I think you're right. Since I started writing critiques I realise how much I enjoy doing it. Funnily enough - one of my very many jobs in an earlier life was spent critiquing something too. I'd like to work for a publisher and have a mountain of unsolicited submissions to read. I'd like to be given the time to at least write a paragraph of personal response in the rejection letter. I'd like to win the lottery -oops I don't buy tickets so that's out.
  • FlickFlick
    You're welcome. I noticed Mike Coombes is also a member but I don't know if he critiques. There may be more of us lurking on the site under other names!!
  • Stan2Stan2
    I thought philologists were extinct. Sounds like they ought to be.
  • JennyJenny
    Stan - They're a protected species now. They live on a nature reserve, somewhere north of Wapping.
  • Hilary JamesHilary James
    As pointed out above, one reader's meat is another's poison.  I quickly realised that in a lively 'comment on a story' forum I frequented (at toowrite. com - a true-story site that's, sadly, now closed to submissions).  It taught me not to give up if the first comment happens not to be encouraging.  Just one reader liking a piece probably represents a good number of all the readers out there!

    I was trying to get rid of a 'had had' in one memoir piece (it just seemed awkward).  I tried the whole sentence, and then the whole piece, in the present tense, and realised it was much better for it.  The whole book (or at least some)  will now be in the present tense.  I might not have thought of trying it if that 'had had' hadn't been awkward at me (there go those 'had's again!)
    I didn't realise I was banishing pluperfects - it sounds quite grand!  (Grammar rather washed over me at school - the teaching wasn't very engaging).
  • RosemaryRosemary
    Flick is the critique site part of Talkback?
  • FlickFlick
    No, you can put articles on Talkback for critique but you don't know how many people will respond. The site I'm using is a more formal set up where you get at least 5 critiques as a new member and older members can get well into double figures. You critique for people and they critique for you. You work up a credit system in order to be able to post your work. It's free but you can pay for an upgraded membership. Take a look it's
    www.CritiqueCircle.com
  • RosemaryRosemary
    Thanks Flick I'll take a look.
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