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Huge problem

edited June 2006 in - Writing Problems

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  • I have a huge problem - my husband. I foolishly asked him to read a couple of my synopses and since then I've been subjected to a battery of criticism -not realistic (is romance ever realistic?) not funny (well that's a matter of opinion) I split my infinitives ( I do, is that what he thinks, not) my characters are slutty (yes well some of them are supposed to be) Now we're not speaking because I set my novel in Leeds and sent the sales team on a conference to Shropshire. Why Shropshire says he? Because that's what I want, says I. If you're going to be like that, shouts he. Now, frigid air, he's watching the golf, I'm sulking in the other room and son and girlfriend are about to arrive into a happy home. What shall I do?
  • Never, never show your writing again to your husband. Is he jealous because he can't write? Why not say 'If you can do better, do it'? My wife is very supportive of my writing. 
  • Wave a white flag, and say I won't ask your opinion on my work, and in return you can leave my characters alone.
    The mistake was asking him. My sympathies.
  • With my tongue firmly lodged in my cheek, Flick, I suggest:

    1) say he's right and therefore you're going to definitely write a very realistic story about a sulky bloke who has the artistic sensitivty of a rusty 3 iron

    2) say he's right and therefore you need to urgently get out more to finally do some real research on romance 'in the field'

    3) say he's wrong and to conclusively prove it you're off on a trip to Shropshire to deeply research locations where Leeds based companies have held sales conferences

    4) put your son and girlfiriend up to reading the same synopses and to raving about them loudly all evening

    5) ask him if anyone's got a hole in one. When he says "no", take a pair of scissors to his favourite shirt/socks/whatever and say, "well you have now"

    6)let him calm down, use you son and daughter as a means of talking again and make up later on.
  • Might be more worthwhile showing your work to a friend who likes romance stories.  On the other hand, the two friends who read the first three chapters of my book offered me support and constructive criticism, even though comic fantasy is not their thing.  It may be worthwhile exploring why he is so against this. Does he resent your writing in general? Or is he normally just brutally honest and does not wrap up criticism in nice words?       
  • ... Maybe he's envious of your passion for writing.  Does he have any other interests about which he is passionate?
  • My sympathies, Flick.  Thankfully, my man is only ever honest with me, and if he thinks a piece of writing is good, he'll say so, and if it needs improvement, likewise.  I count myself extremely fortunate to have a man who is as creative as I am, albeit in a different field (he's a musician, artist and graphic designer).

    My advice to you is to show only people who actually ask to see your work - you know they're genuinely interested, then, and will give you honest criticism.

    Let it blow over with your husband, try not to go to bed on a row, and start afresh in the morning.
  • Much the same.  If he's not into romance, he's not going to appreciate and/or understand your work - or anyone else's in that genre.  Try not to feel too agrieved.  It's always painful when someone whose opinion you really respect is negative.  Put the experience behind you, make up and keep on keeping on with your writing.
  • I know you're married and have children, but dump him! :-D

    Naw, in all honesty, he sounds like a bit of a tard when it comes to supporting your creativity. I suggest just not showing him your stuff and, should he get his hands on it one day and start criticising, ask him to explain WHY it isn't "realistic", WHY it isn't "funny".

    Smile gently, sit him down, make him a cuppa, and treat him like you value his opinion. Ask him what about your characters isn't realistic and how he would improve them. Get him to walk you through the changes he would make and explain why.

    You might find he dries up when he has to be the creative one ;)
  • Again....just eat a lot of chocolate! As you know, it really helps. And never show your work to anyone you're very close to. I don't! I have a 'writing buddy' and we only discuss our writing, nothing more. It helps to stay objective I think. My husband even complains he's never allowed to read something I've written.
    But...don't let it get you down. You know you're good, right?!
    Have a great weekend!
  • Dear, dear friends, many thanks for your kind words, suggestions (particularly number 2 Howard) and thoughts. You are of course right. I should never have shown him my writing but he feels excluded if I don't accept his help when offered. If I told you how many hours I have been writing these two synopses you would think I was mad. I am mad.
    He DOES sometimes have good ideas - but I am touchy about being constantly criticised. He likes Tom Clancy for goodness sake - there isn't a romantic bone in  that man's body. Clancy not my dear husband.
    I'm still thinking about number 2 Howard.
  • Hi Flick, I'm coming a little late to your original posting...  Remember, all views are subjective.  Not everyone likes every well-reputed author after all - eg I hated Captain Corelli's Mandolin, so if Louis de Bernieres had given his manuscript to me to comment on, while he was writing it, he wouldn't have got a very favourable response!  Believe in what you're doing and leave your husband to his golf...
  • I hope you're feeling better today, Flick, and that things are 'back to normal' at home.
  • Yes thank you Howard. 4 hours peace while he played golf. Now he's planning a BBQ so all is well with the world. Of course I shall have to clear up afterwards but at least I don't have to cook. I am one of those odd people who has no interest in food. If I could take a pill and never eat again would be grateful.
  • Blimey.  I love food.  I don't see much point in food for the sake of it, though - I have to be really looking forward to eating whatever it is.  A cheese fondue or a good veggie curry usually does it for me...
  • Flick, just give him a copy of your book when it's published!
  • Even better, put a dedication in the book to him, saying 'I told you I was right!'Or something appropriate.
  • That's not a bad idea. I was going to put in the place where everyone says thanks
        'With no thanks to my husband, without whose criticism this book would have been finished long ago'
    But then I thought that might finish the marriage so I'll have to think about it some more.
  • I confess I don't get the whole "never show your work to your partner" thing. I would have thought that people chose a partner due to love, supportiveness, and friendship.

    Or am I the only one with a fella who doesn't abuse her for being creative? (Or for anything else).
  • You're right. They are reasons to choose your partner. Mine THOUGHT he was being helpful by being so critical. Its a man/woman thing. Mars and Venus. There is a way of criticising that is helpful and also a destructive way. You're lucky if you've got the helpful sort. Of course it could be that I'm just hyper-sensitive to anyone daring to think my masterpiece is anything other than the wonderful tome that it is.
  • That's very possible.

    I still say dump him, though :-D

    LOL.
  • I must be incredibly lucky in that my wife is a very good, close reader. She gives me feedback I value enormously and is usually spot on in her criticisms. She also writes a page every month for the destination guide of an in flight magazine which she always sends me for checking/improving. She takes or leaves my suggestions without any hassle on either side. We only ever disagreed the frst time, after that we learned not to take it personally.
  • Flick - I think our names changed places for a while! Your message at 12.35 today says it's from me!!
  • Egads, I thought women knew how to handle their men! (Mine does!)

    Tell him he's given you lots of things to think about, and that he may have a point, and that you'll take another look at it.

    Then don't. Just carry on as you were, and remember that us men are fragile beasts and need you to pretend we're in charge once in a while to protect our egos!
  • I think Howard and his wife have got it right - don't take criticism of your writing personally.  We can't all respond to something in the same way.
  • Mmmm, we're all wired differently.
  • Hello everyone,
    Following a couple of recent postings, I would like to remind Talkback users that we will not tolerate offensive language in the forum.
    I quote from the Acceptable Use Policy:
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  • Speaking as a university educated linguist, what is possibly wrong with splitting your infinitives?.  That is how we speak, in my opinion it contributes to more realistic writing (particularly in dialogue). 
  • I'd laugh, but I don't want no trouble mista... ;)
  • What a dilemma, Flick!

    I'm lucky enough to have a very good critic for a husband - perceptive, but doesn't beat about the bush.

    If you're not writing the things your husband wants to read, why doesn't he write them?  But something tells me he's not a writer!

    Perhaps he's frightened that doing things off your own bat will threaten your marriage?  If so, perhaps it would be better to write quietly, and say nowt until you have a fait accompli.  He might learn that it wasn't a threat (if, that is, you've managed to get back to normal (or better) harmony meanwhile!).
  • Jany, I think Webbo's removed the words in question.
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