Welcome to Writers Talkback. If you are a new user, your account will have to be approved manually to prevent spam. Please bear with us in the meantime

Grammar question

Where should the line breaks come in this snippet?

One evening, between mouthfuls of turkey meat, Zug said, “We can’t survive this way for much longer, Logan – you and Ginta will have to hunt together.”

Logan dropped the wing he was holding as a rush of embarrassed heat flooded his body, and Ginta stared into the fire, afraid to move.

Then Qara said, “Together you would make a good team. It needs a stronger arm behind a spear to kill a deer.” She had chosen exactly the right words to save Logan’s pride.

“We’ll try tomorrow,” he said, and Ginta breathed again.


Comments

  • Never mind - I'm obviously alone on this! 
  • Sorry, I don't understand the question. Do you mean new paragraphs? Is the problem because the speech is coming after the 'said's?
  • Ditto what Heather said.

  • This bit - should it be like this...

    Then Qara said, “Together you would make a good team. It needs a stronger arm behind a spear to kill a deer.” She had chosen exactly the right words to save Logan’s pride.

    “We’ll try tomorrow,” he said, and Ginta breathed again.

    ...or like this?

    Then Qara said, “Together you would make a good team. It needs a stronger arm behind a spear to kill a deer.” 

    She had chosen exactly the right words to save Logan’s pride. “We’ll try tomorrow,” he said, and Ginta breathed again.

  • First one IMO
  • Yes the first one.

  • Thank you all 🙂
  • edited May 2019
    I think it depends on which POV you're writing from. Is it Qara or Logan who thinks she's said the right words?
  • Well, Logan was feeling vulnerable after an injury, so he appreciates her remark, but Qara has a kind heart and chose her words accordingly. 
    I quoted the preceding sentences to show it was a group conversation. So whose POV? Couldn't tell you! 
  • From that piece I assume Ginta is the viewpoint character.
  • Ginta is an adolescent girl who wants to break tradition by becoming a hunter. Everyone in this scene has their own agenda.This is what comes of quoting a snippet without reams of back story!  Maybe I  should use two line breaks😊
Sign In or Register to comment.