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Would anyone read a very short chapter for me?

edited April 2016 in Writing
Hi everyone, me again.

I'm just wondering if there is anyone that might have 5 minutes to read my first chapter for me, and offer a little cc? I've been planning a novel for months, and have been writing for a few weeks now. I keep changing things. I'm not sure about my voice/style, etc.

It's very short - 319 words, so would only take a minute or two to read. I have a few more chapters too, but this is the only one I've really worked on and changed. I'd love some feedback before I continue - on how it reads, is it making you want to know more, if something needs changing, etc...

I'm not easily offended, and if it's utter rubbish, I'd rather know now, than 20, 000 words down the line, so I don't want to ask family, as they'll just say 'it's great.' Would anyone be happy for me to email it to them for a quick read?

Comments

  • Why haven't you just got on with this first draft, rather than keep changing it, when it's highly likely that by the time you get to the end and back to the start, you may change it again or remove it completely?

    Sorry, I know that's not what you were asking, but you'll never get a first draft completed if you keep tinkering with the beginning.
  • It's literally just the first chapter I've been playing around with, as I wasn't sure if I wanted to write it in first person or third (I didn't want to get halfway through and realise I'd made the wrong choice) and I was trying to figure out if I wanted the first chapter to be retrospective. I figured that once I had made a few decisions with the first chapter, I'd be more sure how I wanted to move forward.

    As I said, I have written a few more chapters, as well as some later scenes that I'll paste in when I get to it, so I am still writing and moving forward with it.
  • As long as you're getting on with it. :)

    Those later chapters, have you used first or third person there?
  • First. I settled on first while playing around with the first chapter, and have stuck with it. I experimented with the second chapter in third person, before I changed a few bits in the first chapter, but it just doesn't read as well.
  • Then go with first person.

    Voice and style develop at their own pace.

    For some it comes easily, for others it's a long time, then others can manage more than one voice and style.

    But you need to trust your writing brain and your instincts, because only you know if what you've written is how you think it should be.

    Everything can be improved later...

    Sometimes you'll not realise something until much later in the draft but it needs to be in earlier- I'm just about to do that in my second draft- the character didn't turn up until the last chapter of the first draft!

    I know the others will tell you that the opening can change numerous times before you're finally satisfied. It's true...
  • Aye, gimme a shout if you want it red penning :)

    Bear in mind 300+ words isn't really enough to tell if it will work or not, but I'll do my best to give you some feedback.
  • Shon, if you mention the genre, there might be a few TBers interested.
  • I can do that for you, Shona. Send me a pm.
  • Tiny Nell, I'm not sure which genre it would fall under really. The basic plot is about a terrorist attack survivor - how it has re-shaped his perspective of the world, and how it has changed his relationships.

    Mrs B - I'll send you a PM now, thank you.
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