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Am I right to use a comma here?

Tiny NellTiny Nell
edited June 2016 in Writing

'In it, were a few crushed silver wrappers, a bread bag tie and a plastic pen lid.'

That was Question 1.

***

And a second question (if I may), does this sentence work (or do 'most' and 'all' contradict each other)?

'You can be helpful, but most of the time, all you do is cause trouble...'


Comments

  • boredrobotsboredrobots
    1) I'd get rid of the first comma and stick it after 'bread bag tie'.

    2) I think a contradiction or two make speech sound more natural. Doesn't matter if it makes sense, it matters if it sounds like someone would say it...but I would scrap the second comma.
  • LizLiz
    !) Yes, that's right.

    2) I'd get rid of second comma.
  • Tiny NellTiny Nell
    Thanks, both.

    Liz, are you saying, 'Yes, that's right' to me or to br?
  • LizLiz
    You. Sorry, br. The 'and' is in place of a comma. And there is no need for an oxford comma. It's simply a list.
  • boredrobotsboredrobots
    Agree to disagree :)
  • Baggy BooksBaggy Books
    "I spent all morning putting in a comma and all afternoon taking it out."

    That's attributed to many authors – and TBers.

    I always over-emphasise the commas when I read content. Does it really need that pause? Don't forget, the reader doesn't know what follows and they will, without hesitating, pause. ;)
    The 'and' is in place of a comma. And there is no need for an Oxford comma. It's simply a list.
    Agreed.
  • danfangodanfango
    1) 'In it were a few crushed silver wrappers, a bread bag tie, and a plastic pen lid.'

    No comma needed after "it". Oxford comma after "tie" gets my vote when it comes to lists, but it's a question of personal preference. Just be consistent!

    2) 'You can be helpful, but most of the time all you do is cause trouble...'
  • LizyLizy
    I'd get rid of the comma after 'it' and leave the rest as it is. Too many commas make things bitty if they're unnecessary.

    In that second sample lose the comma after 'time' - or change it round to : but all you do is cause trouble most of the time.
  • Tiny NellTiny Nell
    Thank you, everyone. I like to run all my queries by you before I jump!

    I am ready now to submit my brand new book to a competition. Here I go...
  • Baggy BooksBaggy Books
    Good luck!
  • LizLiz
    Good luck Nell!
  • Tiny NellTiny Nell
    Thank you! It's gone off into the ether with a one-sided double-spaced synopsis which has to detail all the twists and turns - tricky.
  • Baggy BooksBaggy Books
    I do love a good synopsis.
  • helenesmehelenesme
    Good luck, TN.
  • Tiny NellTiny Nell
    Thank you!
  • LizyLizy
    edited June 2016
    Double spaced? I've been using single spaced for synopses.

    *gulp*

    Ooh - and good luck!
  • Tiny NellTiny Nell
    They specifically asked for it, Lizy. It was a darn shame as I had to really limit what I wrote!
  • ClaudiaClaudia
    Good luck, TN.

    I know you've already submitted, but for what it's worth, I would ditch the first comma in the first sentence, and rewrite the second one as per Lizy's suggestion.
  • Mrs BearMrs Bear
    Good luck, TN!
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