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Dialogue help

edited February 2010 in - Writing Problems
I'm working on the film script based on my book at the moment and am struggling with one word of dialogue.

Nathan is from a medieval type world and has fallen asleep in a boat. When he wakes he realises that it's late. He's not meant to be there in the first place and his mother and father would probably shout at him.
What would he say? I can't have him swear because that's not in his culture or character... It's annoying me that I can't get this right.

Comments

  • Have you asked him?
  • "I should have stayed away from that rum."
    "God, I'm in trouble"
    Or he could blame someone else if there is someone else around to blame. If it's a film he could say a few words and display the rest through his body lanuage.


    Sorry I'm not much help. I don't know much about filmscript. I'm writting medieval, but I'm attempting to write a novel.
  • edited February 2010
    okay some more detail might help a bit:

    He's a prince. He's in the little boat on the lake to escape the normal life of a prince. He hates being guarded all the time so sneaking off to the lake is his way of escaping life. His parents would definitely not approve and neither would his body guard... Nathan's know's it too. He also knows that even he can be sent to his room under guard...and he's only a teenager... between 16 and 18...haven't quite decided yet... which is strange since i've known this character for some time... i think his age has changed quite a few times...16 will do. He has to be younger than my main character who is 18...so that's fine... he was 16 when i first wrote him.

    anyway that was waffle...

    i've asked him sooo many times and he's silent. But I can't just have him stare at the sun disappearing behind the trees... he's got to say something... and he's well spoken too..

    all i can think of is "oops" and "shoot" and he would say neither...
  • The time! You fool!

    Does that sound genuine enough? I think i'm thinking this through too much...
  • Any of these any use?

    Oh, hell's teeth...

    Oh, what have I done? Look at the hour.

    By the gods, I have slept too long.
  • Nothing works, Touchwood.
  • Curses!
    Oh no. What cruel trick has fate worked on me?
  • I figured it out before going to bed last night... :D

    "You fool! It's almost sundown!"

    I think it will work for now...

    thanks for the help tho :)
  • i think talking it thru always helps...
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