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Opinions needed before I give up writing

edited March 2010 in - Writing Problems
Forgive me for what might be seen as a self indulgent post. I was going to email the few TB'ers that I often correspond with but decided to post here as I respect and welcome the opinions of all of you on here. I also apologise now for "wearing my heart on my sleeve" (and for the cliche) but this is just me.

So... a person who I am /was very close to has said to me yesterday that my writing is nonsense, everything I write is cr**, and why do I even bother. This person is experiencing bad mental health problems this last week - which actually I am too - and I am trying to drag from the depths of my heart the belief that these words were spoken because of this.
However it has floored me - completely.
Literally hundreds of people have read my writing and commented very positively about it - but today I don't believe any of that anymore. I am just gutted.

Can anyone spare 5 minutes to look at my website, my blog or my contributions on TB One Word and tell me... is my writing cr** ?
Please don't patronise me and say that it's ok if you think it's not.
Thanks for your time.
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Comments

  • edited March 2010
    I'll have a look at your stuff later, lexia, but I wanted to say right away not to take any notice of this person. As you say, they are going through a bad time. Even if they weren't, not everyone is going to like your writing - but lots of other peoole have said they do! Have faith in your own feelings. If we all went on the opinions of just one person we'd all give up!

    Edited: I've looked at some of your OWC things and agree with the others. Nothing to worry about there.
  • Haven't read any of your stuff Lexia but I think you just answered your own question.

    [quote=lexia]This person is experiencing bad mental health problems this last week [/quote]

    Say no more.
  • Lexia I have often read you poems on the OWC and they are not c... Take no notice of that person and get them out of your life if possible, you don't need people like that feeding you with such negative comments. Keep writing.
  • Hi Lexia,

    Keep going at it. I have read your Crossing Borders book,from cover to cover, as you already know (I usually give up after the first chapter if I consider something to be utter nonsense).
    You have a lot to offer - believe in yourself more, much more.
  • Lexia, I've read all your OWC contributions AND read your book AND written to you at length and know your writing is NOT cr**.

    Listen a moment. I spent all of Saturday evening enduring a torrent of bitterness and hatred and downright nastiness from my daughter, and they don't come much closer than that. She said what she has said many times before only with an extra edge of nastiness on it, that she hates where we live, both town and Island, hates the neighbours (I have no time for them but I don't hate...) hates my work and the people I work with, hates my spiritual work and all that it means, hates my books because they come out of the spiritual work and all round denigrated virtually everything I do and am. That's tough to handle. This came after a day of bitching from the moment she got out of bed to the evening. Literally. Even to 'oh for God's sake just park, you don't need to drive round the entire ******** car park!' (At Tescos)

    The fact is, those closest to us can do the most damage, simply because they are closest to us and it hurts more. YOU CAN WRITE! your book Crossing Frontiers was moving and evocative and held my attention throughout! Time to think positive, dear one, think sense and see through the comments for what they are, a jealous punch at you through frustration and unhappiness at the condition they find themselves in.
  • As already said you can write.
    Just like you, we all go through spells when nothing seems to be going right and we think our writing is crap and I should give up trying- been there, done that (frequently) and you will come out of it and know that isn't true- you'd stop writing never because you need to write.
    You have the comments of other people who have confirmed that you can write and they have got something from reading it.
    Sometimes we just need to stop and say 'at the moment too much is going on in my life and I'm struggling to write' so don't force it, step back and look after you, and very quickly you will remember why you write and that you can write well.
    (((((Lexia)))))
  • Have faith in yourself Lexia and all will be well.
  • I think you might be getting the message by now. Just checked out your contributions to the latest One Word Challenge. Yes, you can write. Yes you can write well, more to the point. Don't ever doubt it.
  • edited March 2010
    Lexia - people always say what they think will hurt most, and guess what? - they succeeded.

    Secondly, from that thread last week with the link to author's ten recommendations to writers - if you think you're good, you're not... ergo those with doubts are more likely to be good!

    Thirdly, anyone who does anything creative gets dissed by the jealous, until they are JK Rowling/Carol Ann Duffy/win a Bafta.

    Of course you can write.

    Now go do something to clear your head. Personally, I recommend a cake and cappuccino, followed by a few chapters of a good book. Then start writing again.

    PS. I looked for a link to your blog, not because I wanted to check if you could write (the very thought!!!), but because I have a rubbish blog and wanted to look at a better one. Please can we have the link?
  • edited March 2010
    [quote=Mabh]Now go do something to clear your head. Personally, I recommend a cake and cappuccino, followed by a few chapters of a good book. Then start writing again.[/quote]

    I endorse that solution from MAbh. You are a writer; you can write and the other person is probably just jealous that you can do something they can't. Take no notice of them.
  • Brenda, why do you need our opinions when you already say: "Literally hundreds of people have read my writing and commented very positively about it."?

    The doubts are in your own head.

    I just blogged about this very thing. Read it here:

    http://flyingtart.blogspot.com/2010/02/excuse-me-if-i-hate-your-work.html
  • If you give me the link to your blog I'll have a look.
  • Oh gosh - that's a horrible thing for someone to say. But I think Mabh makes a good point above, in that if someone wants to hurt you they will go for a spot where you are vulnerable. I'm sure we all have a measure of self doubt about our writing. It's only natural. And in a way a bit of self doubt is good as it's stops us being arrogant, and also pushes us to be the best we can. Take heart from the many positive comments you've received, and eventually you'll be able to see this person's remark in context. I'm just going to do my lunch then I will look properly at your website (and also Flying Tart's which I've been meaning to look at anyway, just been so busy.).
  • [quote=Hubble]Haven't read any of your stuff Lexia but I think you just answered your own question.

    lexia wrote: This person is experiencing bad mental health problems this last week

    [/quote]

    ditto


    lexia, even if your writing is crap so what? If you enjoy writing it then it is your writing, so what is it to them?

    If YOU think you want to improve, then the only way to do so is keep writing. If YOU don't think you want to carry on, then give up.

    Your writing is your business. That person is welcome to their opinion, but it don't make them right.
  • Lexia its already been said but we all have moments of doubt - I think every Tb'er has felt like giving up at some point or another. I certainly have more than once. I personally am pretty 'secretive' about my writing. There are only a couple of people who know me personally who know I write. That is my issue because I am afraid they wont like what I write and I would probably end up feeling as you do at this moment. Ultimately however, I think we all write for ourselves - not everyone is going to like everything you write. Everyone has different tastes and opinions.
    As dora says, if you dont want to carry on, then dont but I think that should be your decision and not influenced by someone who you have identified as having their own issues at present.
    Best of luck whatever you decide.
  • lexia, please don't let this persons outburst take away one more drop of pleasure from your life - you enjoy writing,
    and many people have enjoyed your writing. Only you can decide whether you want to continue but I hope that you will feel more positive soon and not allow bitter words to spoil your interest.
  • Had a look around your website Lexia. Some really good work on there - both words and pictures. x
  • PAH. Don't listen to them. EVEN if your writing was crap, you enjoy doing it, which is good for you. But it isn't crap, so it's good for you AND other people. So write on.
  • As has already been said, Lexia, you can write well. We all enjoy reading what you write. Believe in yourself and other will believe in you - except the poor, deluded person who told you, erroneously, that your writing is no good. She's obviously not well - you said so, too, so just ignore the remarks.
  • Lexia,

    I’m sure I’m just repeating things other people have said here but that’s good! It means it must be right :D

    Writing is something I hope I never perfect, because learning and editing are half of the fun of writing a story! I know people say that the editing part is the worst, but deep down all writers enjoy honing their craft. Even if the people that rubbish your work are world famous authors it doesn’t mean they are ‘right’. I know several famous authors (not personally) who dislike each others work but I rate them all as excellent authors!

    As for other people saying they don’t like your work…good! That’s great! The day everyone on the planet says your work is the best, is the day the entire planet started lying to you. People have different opinions, which is a positive. Without differing tastes there would only be one genre, one author to write it and mass readings of the same book. I’d rather have a cult following of people who reallllly enjoyed my books rather than a larger following who are mostly blasé about my work.

    Now go find some paper and a pen, or a computer, and write, write, write!!
  • I read your book 'Crossing Borders' some time ago and it never once crossed my mind that here was someone who couldn't write.

    I'm sure, in the past, you've had useful and positive feedback/critique from those whose opinions count (publishers, agents, manuscript appraisal services, your readers?) Go by their opinions, Lexia.

    I'm quite choosey about who I tell about my books and I don't even give them to friends/family or discuss ideas with them either. It's not easy to keep yourself going as a writer at times and the last thing you need are the unjustified and destructive comments of people who have no idea what they are talking about.
  • Lexia, I'm only just catching up as I've been away and have read your opening post but not the replies yet.

    I haven't read any of your work, either, though I wil look at your blog in the next few days.

    But I just wanted to say: Please please please don't give up.

    I do understand how a single bad comment can knock all the confidence out of you. I know because I've experinced it. No matter how many other people tell you your work is good - that one single comment can cancel it all out in a flash. Especially if it's from someone close to you or whose opinion you particularly respect.

    But this happens to all writers sometimes - unless they are very, very lucky.

    Don't give up. Grit your teeth and carry on. It may take a while for your equilibrium to be restored - but it WILL HAPPEN. Honestly.

    Don't give up.
  • Lexia, even the very best writers are plagued with doubt about their own worth. It's part and parcel of being an artist. After having someone whose opinion you value highly tell you, even in the heat of the moment, that your writing -- something I truly believe that, aside from your children, is the purest extension of your own heart -- is not worth even bothering with, I'm not surprised you're considering throwing in the towel. Please, don't. It would be a waste of a wonderful talent, and a heartbreaking waste at that.

    Obviously, everything we all say to you can be taken with a pinch of salt. The most important question you need to ask yourself is not -- how talented am I? Or -- how good do others think I am? The only question that matters is how does writing make you feel? In the end, it doesn't matter what the rest of the world thinks about your work. You're not writing for anyone else. You're writing because you love to write. You're writing because you love that feeling you get when you're caught up in the magic of it and it feels like no force in the universe is powerful enough to stop you. You're writing because, when you're in that place, everything else falls away, and then there's just you, and the page, and the worlds you have created in your mind. You're writing because you can't not write.*

    Don't give up.

    *SA*

    *yeah, I know, double negative. Naughty *SA*, but I used it for a good reason. ;)
  • I agree with everyone here. You have answered your own question.
    Of course you can write, Lexia.

    Why don't you write something moving about your friend?


    And...
    'Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.'
    Mark Twain


    x
  • Hundreds of people say your stuff is good and one disagrees - that one person is entitled the their opinion, but maybe it's not an opinion you shouldn't take too much notice of.
  • Totally agree with everyone above. I know what it's like when you get caught at a vulnerable moment, especially by someone who means a lot to you. I'm not suggesting that person is jealous, but maybe they can't cope with you being good at something, or that you become involved so much in something you clearly love. Some people, however loving they are normally, can't bear to let others have their own successes.

    Don't stop Lexia. Great big hugs of support to you, but also to your friend. Alas, h/she is out of order and for once you must ignore them.
  • Lexia, could you tell me where to find your website and blog, please?
  • What can I say ? I feel so humble now and honoured that my fellow TB'ers take the time to respond in this way.
    Your thoughts and comments are so much appreciated - thanks so much.

    The ironic thing is that I have had a lengthy talk with the person today who is gutted that they said what they said - they were having a bad day and can't believe that they said such a thing and are so sorry.
    Dorothy - You telling me about your daughter rang true with me. I need to be as strong as you are.
    FT - great blog, thanks
    Joanne and anyone else who did - thanks for looking at my website
    The link to my blog is on my website www.write-place.co.uk
    The blog itself is wwwbrendaabouelola.blogspot.com
    (sorry I don't know how to put them on here as as direct link)

    Everyone - thankyou.
  • In one writing class we were told say three nice things about someone's work to every constructive negative comment. It is weird how you are always more likely to believe someone who says something nasty than someone who says something nice... at the very least it affects your confidence. I wonder why that is?

    Having thought about this whilst being trapped in the lounge with a dog on my foot, this person hasn't been constructive. S/he hasn't given a considered constructive response. They can have no basis for their comments.
  • Oooob, cross posted. Glad you feel better and they have explained!
  • I am always writing about my friend - and it's difficult to keep away... he's my partner who I love very much.
    He is feeling a lot better tonight... and so am I !

    Thanks, Bill.
  • Deep breath, Brenda. Read all of the above again (I just did!) and particularly the Mark Twain quote. I'm sorry one person has hurt you so much, what pleasure did it give him in the end, I wonder? What he said hit the mark it was intended to hit - your already fragile writing self. You say you've had mental problems this week - so anything negative is going to be worse to the power of ten because of your psyche state. This is a dark horrible cloud that will pass and go dump on someone else. But here on TB there is sunshine - turn your head to the light, turn away from the dark that wants to drag you down. Please don't give up writing, or that person will have achieved the aim of his wickedness - knew you were vulnerable and drove spikes into that vulnerability to magnify your self-doubt. Don't let him win!
    Huggythings, if that is your bent, sunshine from my heart and mind if not!
    Chin up, Chuck!
  • I hope you're feeling a lot better now that you see how we all feel. Take no notice, and definately do not give up writing because of what one person said on a really bad day.
  • Hi Lexia, here's a few hugs coming your way (((((((((Lexia))))))))) Think about the hundreds of people that have complimented you on your writing, they know good writing when they see it. :-)
  • As Lexia mentioned she didn't know how to post the link so it will open on the thread.

    You can open a second tab (or however your system works) so one tab is TB and the second is the site you want.
    Go to the other site, copy the address in the browser bar then switch to TB and paste the address you copied in the comments box.
    Then submit your comment.
    Return to the discussions page then click go onto that thread and when it opens you should see your last comment and you should see your link appear in blue.
  • http://write-place.co.uk/default.aspx
    http://wwwbrendaabouelola.blogspot.com/

    Thanks Carol - just testing to see if I have done it right this time ....
  • yep - I think I did . Thanks again everyone, for everything.
  • Yes it has worked Lexia, just read your last few blogs.
    I see the political situation still exists up your way...;)
  • You can write, Lexia.

    Just read the beginning of 'Crossing Borders' on your website, and now want to read the rest (am going to order it).

    Am looking forward to reading your blog, too.

    Glad to hear the person in question has taken back what they said. Gosh - by loving people we give them so much power to hurt. Be strong, take heart...

    Hugs
  • Hi Lexia, just enjoyed reading your extract from Crossing Borders. You CAN write, don't ever doubt it. Print off these comments and keep them with your writing stuff - read them when you feel down and I'm sure you will be reinspired to write.
  • Lexia, my husband said almost exactly the same thing to me a couple of years ago when he was suffering from depression and it hurt a lot at the time. But it was the depression talking, not him. Unfortunately, it's the ones we love the most who can hurt us the most.

    I've read your book. There is absolutely no doubt you can write. So get on with it!
  • Thanks again to everyone. I am back on the right track...thanks to your support x
  • My comment to Bill was meant to be a whisper but apparently wasn't so that sort of defeats the whispers to a few people that I did ! Oh well.... I never liked whispering anyway....mouth too big to keep anything to myself xx
  • Glad, more than glad, to see you back on form. It isn't much fun, no matter what the reason. It sits in the back of the mind and festers, even when it is 'forgiven '. The outburst I suffered was due to PMT but it doesn't take away the hurt.
  • Lexia, my heart goes out to you that you suffered such a disturbing knock to what you cherish so deeply - your writing. Luckily the blow is softened by your partner's realisation and regret, taking it all back. When OH slates my writing as a total waste of time, it happens when her depression is heavy. Hopefully you can put the emotional side of it behind you and grasp the realistic, which shows the value of what you've written. I haven't read your work yet, but you are probably the best judge of it. If it strikes you as rewarding and well worth your time and effort, it's good.

    Mind you, and here's another realistic way of considering your writing: what about making it better. A sure way of raising your own opinion of your writing would be to inject improvement by enrolling on a writing course. I know my own writing is good, but it's not good enough for what I want, which is for me to become a published writier, so I'm researching this myself. It's easy to forget that no artist has ever produced perfection. Michelangelo's David, even, could have been better, as I'll bet he knew. Can I indulge myself by imagining da Vinci working on his Mona Lisa and knowing that he had a masterpiece on his hands, but feeling frustrated as he painted over her lips for the tenth time; then visiting Raphael for advice on doing his mouths... but after a week, coming away not only with the answer but filled with inspiration for his eyes as well.

    If I choose a course tailored to my needs I'm sure I'll sense that my writing is better after putting in the course work; quite regardless of what others think of it. Perhaps this would be a nice way to bounce back from criticism?
  • Lexia
    I have read your work over a period of time and I believe your writing to be very good and well worth continuing with. I understand how this must have made you feel, but you have to remember that people have different tastes and what is to one person's liking may not be to another. If you take the overall balance you have hundreds who think it is great and 1 who doesn't - they are statistics that even the best selling authors would like to have. Maybe where that person is right now is just not the audience you are aiming at. That is fine. Write for the people who love your work and keep writing, please.
  • Criticism from someone you love always hurts and I have had my fair share, as I'm sure we all have, but I always tend to think people are critical when really they are just envious of what you do. Keep up with the writing, you obviously understand the difficulties this person is experiencing so don't let their negativity grind you down.

    I have read your website and your blog, both are really good and have inspired me to get back to mine, so keep it up and good luck :-)
  • Lexia, have not read your book but have read all these comments. You have a book that is well received and liked. Most of us on this site haven't even got a book out there, so we are envious of you. It is impossible to please everyone, if you try to you will fail. I just think you are just going through a down point and it won't be long before you will be back up and likley encouraging one of us.
    See you on the next high point.
  • [quote=lexia]Literally hundreds of people have read my writing and commented very positively about it [/quote]

    so take away what the 100s of people have said not just one person :)

    what is your website? id love to have a look at your work,
    Tammy x
  • I gave up last year and turned to POD. I think it's the best thing I ever did!
    Not saying you should, but if you become so disillusioned then give up on sending it out rather than writing. Then maybe, a couple of years down the line, with your confidence back, you'll WANT to send a ms off.
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