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As .....? As a ...?

edited July 2010 in - Resources
Hello Chaps

I have been wax injecting a Triumph Stag over the weekend and got pretty covered in the stuff. While talking to my dearest friend about the job I quipped that I was as 'Greasy as an Italian car salesman'. Which she found quite amusing.

And this got me thinking of other silly 'As..., as a ...' which have come into parlance or just pop up in conversation.

My current fave is used to illustrate my harmonica playing..'I am as musical as sand-paper'

So without getting too offensive.. lets have yours. Daft as a brush, Silly as a box of frogs, organised as a tossed salad..

Regards Martin.


  • Isn't the greasy one a racist comment, Martin. Just being ultra ;) .
  • my father used to complain about the bacon being 'as thick as a bull's lug' ;-)
  • Slight adjustment using are more... than a...

    His tastes are more catholic than a drunk Mel Gibson in a synagogue.
  • I've been dumped more times than a Glastonbury portaloo..

    And I've been cheated on more times than Bilko's card table.

    I blame me deodorant.
  • edited July 2010
    When the police chief was caught in the act of burning crosses in front yards his face was as white as a two holed bed sheet.
  • I thought it was mad as a box of frogs ...
    my favourite is

    as useful as chocolate fireguard
  • fart in a colondar comes to mind.

    Dunno why.
  • edited July 2010
    This one is a Foghorn Leghorn one:

    About as sharp as a pound of wet liver.

    [quote=thaddeus]Daft as a brush[/quote]

    I know an extended version of that one:

    As daft as a brush and twice as thick as the handle.

    About as useful as a glass hammer and rubber nails

    [quote=dorothyd]as useful as chocolate fireguard [/quote]

    I've heard the fireguard one but I also like 'as useful as a chocolate teapot'.
  • as busy as a one armed paperhanger
  • On the chocolate theme.

    As useful as a chocolate insulin syringe.
  • ... ashtray on a motorbike
  • . . . Ugly as a bag of sprouts!
  • Face like a bag of spanners.

    Black as a badger's tadger.
  • As loud as a fart in church.
  • Has a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp.
  • edited July 2010
    as compatible as rat and ragwort
  • These are good. more please.

    As welcome as a fart in a spacesuit

    As Camp as Liberace's Christmas

    Yes the Italian one might be seen as a tad racist, but if you heard it on a telly in a drama you would complain would you?
    In Captain Correlli there is a great line ...' A brave Italian, is a freak of nature' These are comments on the perceived ethos or character, rather than any physiological trait. As I understand it Italians are a nation not a race.
  • As useful as a canoe with a gear box.
  • Here's a couple of golden oldies that don't seem to be used any more.

    P***ed as a newt.

    Cool as a cucumber.
  • As cunning as a fox who's done an Open University course on cunning taught by Bob Cunnington who's a right old country singer.
  • Hmm. I can see there is probably a theme there, just trying to put my finger on what it might be ... ooh, think I've found it.

    Very nice. :)
  • Thaddeus, nation, race, still the same, nonPC!
    I'm busy ripping loads of nonPC stuff out of a novel I want to put out ... changing it so it is more acceptable and still keeping the author's intent - not easy.
  • As popular as a pork chop in a synagogue

    If something had a fault in it my mother used to say, 'a blind man would be glad to see it'
  • I thought of a great one but it's probably way off PC that the radar would break. Not on race, gender, sexuality or anything like that though. I'll have to stick it in the notebook and find a use for it at a later date.
  • Note to Dorthyd

    With all due respect, I am of very mixed race and find the whole notion of racism so absurd that I cant take it seriously. Which is not to say that I don't respect that many people do. And I wont pretend that this can be a serious issue which has caused great suffering to a great many people.
    I will start another thread on the subject of when some words are acceptable in one context but not in another.

    Why do you feel it necessary to remove material? Please explain further.
  • When a book goes out into the world, we do not know the colour, race, beliefs whatever of the person who buys it. We would not want to upset that person by including some very nasty racist names (which this book has) and lose that customer forever. It isn't worth it.

    Those of mixed race may not see the problem as others do... but when you meet someone in the street who you think you know reasonably well and find them going on about Pakis and all the rest, and how much he hates and despises them, you soon realise there are a lot of racially inclined people out there, an awful lot. It is always best to err on the side of not offending anyone, if at all possible, with racist comments of any kind, slurs on their national character, whatever. It can cause serious offence.
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