Welcome to Writers Talkback. If you are a new user, your account will have to be approved manually to prevent spam. Please bear with us in the meantime

Feeling a wee bit blue - what would you feel if someone did not wish you a happy birthday etc?

edited October 2010 in Off-topic
You may think I am behaving like a childish spoilt brat but I feel a bit blue. Yesterday it was my birthday, OK and my mother's was a month ago, right. OK, she gave me two cards, fair enough but even if she has never been able to buy anything big for me, she usually managed to buy something I would like or find useful to open on the day and I have always been very grateful for that fact. When I became incapacitated and unable to buy anything for her yet managed to give her a card and wished her a happy birthday? That did not happen either although she did ask if I had opened the two envelopes on the sideboard. I told I would be doing so now that I had brought her tea in. Mum had decided that to buy a new TV and that I would contribute a certain amount of money. That seemed to be agreeable to me although nothing in my wildest dreams did I expect her not to bother with mine despite the fact that as I slowly recovered, I got up and helped her with odd jobs etc, in fact when she was out shopping one day and I was at the height of my illness with convulsive shivering, I got up to feed the cat although I felt like hell at the time. You may think this is crazy but I feel I am being punished for what happened or it is related to the fc so she reckons I am undeserving for anything else even though I paid for it. I really thought this had all been resolved and she was turning over a new leaf. She told me how at the time I was so ill, she was so worried, well the rest is best left unsaid what is going on fully in my mind at present. I cannot imagine my father would have allowed this to happen after all that I had been through and still tried to do things to help her out. You may well be laughing at me when I say this but I thought, whatever Deity that is up there, had given her a dammed good bollicking in its own fashion

Comments

  • [quote=Woll22]I cannot imagine my father would have allowed this to happen [/quote]

    What to happen exactly? Not sure I can follow this at all and can't believe that dreaded filing cabinet farce is still on your mind.


    At least the cat got fed.
  • :)

    Wish everyone would forget my birthday. Hate being reminded another year has passed.
  • Happy Birthday for yesterday, Woll !! Hope things start improving for you soon.
  • Woll my mum hasn't bought me owt for a long time, it's no big deal, I still get her something even if it's only a £3 bunch of flowers. The only person who is getting upset by all this is you, and you need to stop it before you make yourself ill. I have said this to you time and time again, don't sweat the small stuff! You need to stop wallowing, stop letting it affect you and rise above it, or get out. To be brutal (and trust me I do this with the best intentions) you keep mentioning your father, he is gone, what he would have or wouldn't have done is no longer relevant.

    The only person doing the punishing is you because you let it get to you. The weekend I have had has had me in tears more than once for one reason or another, but I got up today, put on my positive face and got on with it, stop dwelling over stuff that isn't important.
  • Woll, Neph's right, this is YOUR problem, not anyone else's. You really need to start letting go of EVERYTHING that is annoying you. The reason you were so ill is because you had already brought yourself down with this endless worry and fretting over things Which Do Not Matter! I have said before, try living with my daughter and you will know how fortunate you are!
    The art, the skill, the secret of The Law of Attraction is BEING GRATEFUL for everything you have, from the fact you are alive and have each day to live to what you ave in your life. You still have your mother. Mine died of cancer, she was unrecognisable at the end. Be grateful! You have a home, possessions, money, cat, mother! And, let your father go. Putting my spiritual hat on for a moment, you are clinging to him and he cannot progress, cannot do what he has to do in the Realms whilst you hang on by gripping his memory so tightly and dragging him into every posting when you complain about your mother. I could do that with my ex, but I don 't. I know how much he is responsible for and I don't hang on to the feelings, it isn't worth it.
    For your own PEACE OF MIND, LET IT GO!
  • It is just that I cannot think why she behaves like this if it isn't the fc. You say rightly, Neph that he is gone but at times like this I miss him terribly. We all had great times together on the whole and I can recall on one occasion when I was awaiting to go into hospital to have my gall bladder removed, it was a few days short of my birthday and my told me that I would have to wait for my birthday because they hadn't the time to do anything about it but I think my father gave her his piece of mind when they went to work later at the bookshop for the present was purchased but since he has gone, some of the fun has gone from those sort of anniversaries. Although he indulged her to some degree, I think he did draw some limits where this was concerned. Thank you very much Jenny for your best wishes - that was really kind of you
  • OK, Dorothy you are probably right, its just that when it all happened in 93, Mum would not allow me to cry or grieve, it is if she blamed me for his death so I had not rights in that area
  • [quote=Woll22] he is gone but at times like this I miss him terribly. [/quote]

    All of us who have lost parents or loved ones feel the same way but would they want it being a brake on our lives? If your dad could be back for one more minute would you want him to see you like this or full of joy and appreciating what you have, what he can no longer have?

    [quote=Woll22]since he has gone, some of the fun has gone from those sort of anniversaries.[/quote]

    Yes I'm sure it has and there is little you can do about it but look forward. Those good days and anniversaries didn't exist once, that's why the become anniversaries, days to remember when something began. So make some new ones. Enjoy life and make days that you want to celebrate again.
  • Not probably right, I know I am. Now, let it go. Time has gone by, your father is in the Realms, doing other work, you are here, living this life with your mother. Let him go. Let it all go. Why does it matter WHY someone does something? I don't know why my daughter picks fights with me, threatens to hit me (in the car when I am driving...) think of thee GOOD things, stop dwelling on the bad.
    The other thing the Law of Attraction does is give you what you think and feel. Feel hard done by, you will be.
    Feel positive, you will overcome it.
  • [quote=Woll22]Mum would not allow me to cry or grieve, it is if she blamed me for his death so I had not rights in that area [/quote]

    Ok now I really have to say something else, no-one can stop you from grieving, I think you are blaming your mother instead of dealing with your own issues. Come on Woll you are a mature woman, you can get above all this. I know I sound harsh but it's only because I don't want to see you waste your life and make yourself ill. Trust me it isn't just you that gets talked to like this, one of my best friends once called me to say goodbye, she had had enough and it was a last ditch call before she killed herself, tough love kept her my best mate.

    I lost my dad at New Year, my mum is not herself and is in a home, I have no-one left other than hubby and the kids and trust me as much as me and my mother didn't get on, I miss how she was.
  • You can no more change a person than you can change the direction of roots growing beneath a tree. You can however change the direction the shadow from its branches fall upon you.
  • That's so true.

    I'd be terribly upset if my mother didn't buy me a birthday present - but that's because I have a very special relationship with her.

    Woll, these emotional wrangles occur too often. You have to either learn to deal with them or do something about it.

    Posting on here may help purge your emotions initially, but it changes nothing.
  • pbwpbw
    edited October 2010
    Woll, I feel for you but Dorothy and the others are right. There isn't a person on the planet who hasn't had one or more trauma to deal with. We all have horrible events in our past which we are trying to come to terms with or to overcome. All you can do is concentrate on the good things. I think there's something to be said for the Law of Attraction. After all - what's the alternative. Happy belated Birthday (my birthday is in August. My family deliberately snubbed me and ignored me, as they always do, so did my ex husband and step children to whom I had been incredibly generous. None of them gives a toss about me, luckily I have other good friends who are kind and now I have TB-ers too). So chin up and you'll feel better tomorrow. Try and focus on the good things you have, it does help.
  • Tony's right. Very right. You don't have to get yourself in a state over anything she says or does. Think on this, though, how will you feel when she goes over to the other side? A mass of regrets of opportunities lost and time wasted on anger? Walk away from it, literally and mentally.
    Find a picture of a beautiful place, pin it up and when she gets to you, go away and look at it, visualise yourself there and it will all fall into perspective. You allow it to become huge when it is minor. That's proved by the length of your titles for your posts, sooooooooooooooooooooo long, which says you are making this a major, major thing in your life. The rest of us use short titles (as you should as a writer, BTW...) which reflects the difference. The birthday is gone, there is the rest of the year to live through, why brood on it? It has been years since I even got a home made card, a family tradition all our lives, but do I let it get to me? I do not. You even dragged in the fc story yet again, which says you are not, in any way, letting it go, are you?
    OK, we can only say so much. The rest is up to you. But if you continue like this, you will be ill. For sure. You will waste hours, precious hours you can never get back, brooding on injustices as you see them when they are in fact no more than the pinpricks of life which we all have in different ways. We've all told you this before, you said, yes we are right, you will do something about it and here you are, same story, different title, same you, making yourself ill and depressed over - what? Be reasonable with yourself!
    You want to present yourself to the world as a businesswoman running a research business, how can you do that when small things get you into this state? You need to be an example to others around you, you can't do that if you are constantly in a state over small things. Seriously, that is what you are doing, agonising over the small things. Heavens, what will you do if there are BIG things? Fold up and give up?
    Are you not better and bigger than that, Woll?
    Where are you posts on here about writing, about your business, about your ambitions? If you don't write about them you won't live them and they won't come true. How else did I get a series off the ground? By flat out working at it, believing in it, dreaming it. Two Mondays' time I will be giving a talk at a prestigious literary festival on my book. Now THAT is one good feeling, one that will take away any daily aggravation.
    YOU could feel the same. All you need to do, is do it!
  • People make too much fuss about birthdays and Christmas. Every day should be special as we don't know how long we have left and should make the most of it. Go and give your mum a cuddle and if she says what's that for say 'it was my birthday yesterday and I wanted to say thanks for bringing me into this world'. That may make her think, and saying and doing nice things does come back to you in some way, I believe.
  • Hi Woll. A belated happy birthday. I hope the next year will bring you good things. I do feel for you, but am agreeing with Dorothy and others. A fundamental shift in the way you think and view life (which is what would help you) can be very hard to do. I wonder if you could find someone who would mentor/counsell you so that you can do that? The right kind of counselling with the right understanding person can be immensely helpful and supportive - it would probably be challenging and difficult too, but very worth while. You deserve to let yourself come to terms with the past, move forward and enjoy and cope with life in a new way.
    Take care ;)
  • KJKJ
    edited October 2010
    Happy belated birthday Woll!

    Don't expect anything from anyone, then you'll always be happy.
  • A friend of mine was really depressed as she'd received no cards in the post on her birthday. turns out a relief postie had delivered her post to AN Other. So that's a happy ending? Nope. She only had one card, from me.

    Birthdays mean different things to different people.

    You can't under-estimate how someone looks forward to hearing from a friend, knowing they've remembered. Or not.
  • [quote=KJ]
    Don't expect anything from anyone, then you'll always be happy. [/quote]

    No you won't.

    Everybody likes to be treated now and again, and who better but a best friend, or a loved on to provide that.

    If you're able to shut people out like that, then you're not really happy, you're just managing to get by.
  • edited October 2010
    BB - was there a reason more people didn't send cards to your friend?
  • Most of my friends send cards, which is great, however I don't expect them to buy presents.
    When they do send something, it is a lovely surprise. I'd never demand it of them.
  • Belated best wishes for you Birthday, Woll. I hope you're feeling better about things now.
  • I can see what KJ is saying. I don't 'expect' so when I get, it's lovely. Equally, if no one can afford it, I am not disappointed. Makes good sense.
  • [quote=dorothyd]Two Mondays' time I will be giving a talk at a prestigious literary festival on my book.[/quote]

    I hope you'll post something about that. It sounds really interesting. How exciting!
  • see my 'all of a dither' thread, PBW.
    And yes, I will be posting on there!
    Just been asked (literally, 10 minutes ago) to talk to a writers' group on the Sunday too.
  • A belated Happy Birthday, Woll22.

    I get the impression you just wanted to share your anguish, get it off your chest so to speak.

    From other posts you've made, I think you struggle with your relationship with your mum, don't you? It's hard, I know.

    I really hope you can find a way to deal with the problems you see and those you feel.
  • Despite your problems, please know that there are a lot of us out here in the ether who are wishing you all the very best for your special day, Woll. I understand there are difficulties in the relationship between you and your mother but these things unfortunately happen from time to time in this crazy thing we call life. Just bear in mind that there are people out there in the big wide world who are thinking of you and wishing you all the best. Happy (belated) Birthday. x
  • Woll, I turned the big 50 this year. I knew my husband was highly unlikely to do anything special. We're neither of us into parties and he's not the romantic sort. So I decided to treat myself to something I'd always wanted. It cost a lot, but I'm so glad I got it and it put me in a good mood for my birthday so that I could appreciate the things I DID get, little things that I didn't expect from my family and from friends (including TB friends). So why not go out and treat yourself? If you love yourself a little, you'll find others will follow.

    (((((((((((Woll)))))))))))))
  • Nena - now we're all wondering what the treat was. Well, I am, at any rate!
  • Sorry, Jenny. I did mention it once before on here...somewhere...(and a million times elsewhere) - I bought a celtic harp. It was something I'd wanted since I was about 7 years old.
  • I am still hoping for a rendition.
  • edited October 2010
    Sorry, Nena - must have missed that. What a fantastic self-presented present (!) - shame we can't hear you play it!
  • So am I, waiting for the rendition, perhaps greensleeves maybe to start off with. Anyway thank you all very much for your birthday goodwishes and perhaps a welcome shakeup. Yes I have been a fearful moaner and I must now turn this around, no really. Mum and I had a civilized conversation about my birthday and we reached an amicable agreement. She admitted that she felt a bit awful about it so she has given me some small things, a pair of black panties, go on, laugh because I am doing it myself, would you believe, yes actually fighting not to laugh out too loud and a box of chocolate gingers. I bought myself some vital stationery items today, printer ink refills, laminating pouches, scotch magic tape, a fine tipped pen, they really write nicely and index cards. Mum and I agreed that we are going to buy a new slightly larger TV[flat screen, 21 inches] before January so gradually I am coming together now. I am sorry I have been beating on about things and I know you all want the very best for me. You are right, I must rise above all this somehow. Perhaps I might treat myself later to an updated version of Newnovelist.
  • Well there you go, Woll. Ain't that wonderful? You're a brick :) !
  • Please, please, please don't post a photo of those panties.
  • [quote=Baggy Books]Please, please, please don't post a photo of those panties. [/quote]


    It's how the chocolate gingers'll end up that I'm worried about.
  • Woll, you don't need software, just write! Use the money to buy something really nice for yourself instead, something bright, make a point of bright colours around you, it will lift you.

    Get writing. Get working on your research company. Get busy with Life and then the other Life won't bother you so much.
  • Belated happy birthday, Woll. You've had lots of good advice above and I'm so glad you've bought yourself some treats. Well, to me they would be treats - I love stationery.

    Enjoy those chocolate ginger panties too -- sorry, getting confused here :)
  • Aaaaaaargh - Rosalie, that's put me off my dinner.
  • [quote=Woll22]I know you all want the very best for me. You are right, I must rise above all this somehow.[/quote]
    Yay, sussed it!

    Go out and enjoy life, celebrate for a whole birthday month (preferably wearing more than just your new black pressie).
  • Woll - so glad to hear you're sorting things out.

    Rosalie - I can't resist stationery either!
  • Belated happybirthday woll, and glad to see all TBers input is making a difference and you are going to rise above it all. Well done.
  • Dwight, why ever not, I always thought black pants were rather sexy or is it the temptation you are worried about. Anyway I still cannot figure how to do it on tb. I think a little bit of tinkering is required to make it a wee bit easier. Perhaps I have been reading the wrong sort of magazines. Anyway, au revoir for a while as I have work to do after breakfast, I thought I would pop in and see what else had been said. Hold your seats by the way,I might submit one of my stories to you. Its a fairly scary one which might do for Halloween or Christmas perhaps. I am not sure whether People's friend would accept it but there is bound to be a magazine. Well I could try it perhaps.
Sign In or Register to comment.