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edited February 2014 in Writing

The BBC First Line invitation contains:
‘…Stories must not contain…obscene or any other unsuitable material which is likely to cause offence to a wide audience of all ages.

offence to a wide audience of all ages.

Do you think they would not like this

At his feet, a section of tree from an unknown forest had been deposited on the shining wet sand. Two branches had grown side by side like thighs and countless caresses of the sea had smoothed and shaped them...

...And the tang of seaweed always reminded her ... of sex ...

‘...A wave came and licked and lapped and swirled around the trunk’s erotic curves and he remembered the warmth and shape of her body - that first exhilarating experience of longing youth, the forbidden bulge, pubic hair, her warm, plump buttocks... ’ { this is a flash back, a memory -they were about 15years old]
And later
The day before their last day they had gone to their cave, that echoing cavern of childhood awe, and now of lovers’ tryst. She had worn her mother’s make-up. And he had looked suddenly so grown up. They had smoked cigarettes and drunk wine, and he had groped and fumbled. He showed her, proudly, his stiffness and mumbled breathless crudities and she had given in to his pleas. In his callow impatient lust he prodded and missed and stabbed and missed and then; and then it had hurt, it was uncomfortable, and she had been disappointed. ..’

Do you think they would deem this unsuitable for ‘all ages’?
I mean this is about the transition children/adolescence/memories of old adults; it is really essential but I think I may have to cut the whole thing out.


  • I'm not sure how you possibly say this was suitable for all ages, Bill. Wishful thinking perhaps?

  • I'm afraid I have to agree with Liz, Bill.

    I wouldn't say that this is suitable for children, only over eighteens.
  • Yup, me too, Bill - I wouldn't call it 'suitable for all ages' - sorry.
  • No, that wouldn't be suitable.

    But do carry on writing it, bill. I'm sure it will turn into a serious story.

  • >:P
    yeah, I think I knew but hoping you might say it is ok. Will have to delete/change/rejig.

    Thanks. :)>-
  • I don't think the BBC would air lines about showing her his stiffness.....unless you substituted 'him' for 'her' in this ridiculous PC world
  • Quote Bill: "this is about the transition children/adolescence/memories of old adults"
    Whilst, to a degree, agreeing with opinions already shared; interpretation would be influenced by the context in which it is performed.

    Your post mimics that 'schoolboy' salacity of emphasising titbits and therefore destroying wisdom in the portrayed scene. Your construction is, quite possibly, enchanting but the snippets shared here suggest only lewd indulgence.

    Allow those creative juices to spume and shape the result into a mellow spread of contentment.
    Good luck.
  • The stories selected for the Opening Lines series are broadcast at 3:45pm on a Friday - so potentially in time for the afternoon school run. While I've heard 'suggestive' references in some of the stories, your extracts are quite overt, Bill, although not exactly explicit. I just think the BBC would look at that kind of thing and worry about the potential it has for a deluge of angry letters from embarrassed parents.

    Plenty of competitions don't have to be quite so guarded about their audience, so your story could well find a home elsewhere, but I'd suggest toning it down if you want to send it to Opening Lines.
  • I don't think the sexual references are the main trouble as they can be toned down. The fact that this appears to refer to underage sex is far more of a problem imo.
  • That is an added problem for me.
  • Yes, you are right of course. 3:45 slot especially - the short story slot.
    It really isn't just for the sake of it, this is that moment of transition and the only section of such a nature.
    I remember when we older teens used to leave the oldies on the beach with their flasks of tea and egg sandwiches and go off and do stuff - that's what they do.
    It is/was stupid of me not to realise that this wont do! Sometimes it is necessary to get the reaction you have given to get it clear in one's mind - we sometimes dont want to change things we thought were ok.
    I have had good reaction from the beeb re previous stuff I have sent. I think I will just change it.

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