Suitable for children?

edited September 7 in Writing
I am describing torrential rain as drops raining down like 'machine gun fire'.

Do you think that's too violent an image?

The only other thing I can think of right now is raining down 'like tribal drumming', but not sure that's appropriate either!

Comments

  • I think it is. Do you have to have a simile at all?
  • 7-11
    I don't have to have a simile, but it's a sudden downpour and I want to show the noise and speed of the heavy rain falling. My word count is also used up!
  • edited September 7
    I have changed it to 'stamping feet' - for now - although that's not something that rains down...

    Edit:
    Changed it again to 'bouncing balls'!
  • Machine guns are voilent and negative. Bouncing balls are fun and positive.
  • LizLiz
    edited September 7
    I would use 'Hard Rock' drumming, which, even if they don't know what Hard Rock is, would conjure a picture of rocks falling on drums. I certainly wouldn't use machine guns, and there is nothing wrong with tribal. Tribal people DO use drums. It's not racist to say so, except perhaps you should be more specific, find out what tribe makes the noise you describe and use them.
  • edited September 7
    Bouncing balls is a much nicer image for children to imagine, but it conveys a soft image which might not be strong enough for heavy rain.

    Edited to add: I used to experience monsoon-like rain in Fiji which made a terrific racket on our roof. A drumming noise, the drops looked like they were spearing down in arrow-like shafts. Will go away and try to think about how it felt, and will return if I come up with anything that might be helpful.
  • A marble run sounds like a storm.
  • Ooh, yes. Marbles have a good weight.
  • edited September 8
    From what I hear locally, 'p*ssing down' will probably be OK for anyone over four years old.

    It is a universally understood expression and unlikely to offend on the grounds of race, religion, sexual orientation or other PC hang-ups.
  • Oh, now, SM...

    *tuts more loudly than usual*
  • something akin to ......"corn popping in a pan".....?

    PS. I'm probably far too late with this!
  • I think, in today's climate (well we are talking weather) that Snail Mail got it right.

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