Grammar question

Where should the line breaks come in this snippet?

One evening, between mouthfuls of turkey meat, Zug said, “We can’t survive this way for much longer, Logan – you and Ginta will have to hunt together.”

Logan dropped the wing he was holding as a rush of embarrassed heat flooded his body, and Ginta stared into the fire, afraid to move.

Then Qara said, “Together you would make a good team. It needs a stronger arm behind a spear to kill a deer.” She had chosen exactly the right words to save Logan’s pride.

“We’ll try tomorrow,” he said, and Ginta breathed again.


Comments

  • Never mind - I'm obviously alone on this! 
  • Sorry, I don't understand the question. Do you mean new paragraphs? Is the problem because the speech is coming after the 'said's?
  • Ditto what Heather said.

  • This bit - should it be like this...

    Then Qara said, “Together you would make a good team. It needs a stronger arm behind a spear to kill a deer.” She had chosen exactly the right words to save Logan’s pride.

    “We’ll try tomorrow,” he said, and Ginta breathed again.

    ...or like this?

    Then Qara said, “Together you would make a good team. It needs a stronger arm behind a spear to kill a deer.” 

    She had chosen exactly the right words to save Logan’s pride. “We’ll try tomorrow,” he said, and Ginta breathed again.

  • First one IMO
  • Yes the first one.

  • Thank you all 🙂
  • edited May 30
    I think it depends on which POV you're writing from. Is it Qara or Logan who thinks she's said the right words?
  • Well, Logan was feeling vulnerable after an injury, so he appreciates her remark, but Qara has a kind heart and chose her words accordingly. 
    I quoted the preceding sentences to show it was a group conversation. So whose POV? Couldn't tell you! 
  • From that piece I assume Ginta is the viewpoint character.
  • Ginta is an adolescent girl who wants to break tradition by becoming a hunter. Everyone in this scene has their own agenda.This is what comes of quoting a snippet without reams of back story!  Maybe I  should use two line breaks😊
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