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If you need cheering up, you might like to read this:

edited March 2007 in - Reading

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  • When I was recently told a joke, I put it into a poem and thought some Talkbackers might be cheered up by reading it:

                SURGEONS'  DELIGHTS

    Some surgeons wondered who would be best
    As patients and most unencumbered?
    The first said accountants, as you'll find
    All their parts are carefully numbered.

    No, said the second, I disagree,
    The easiest by far for a start
    Are electricians and all such like,
    As  each of them has a coloured part.

    Librarians had their vote as third -
    Surgeons agreed, without disorder,
    All their parts are easily replaced:
    They're in alphabetical order.

    However, one then was heard to shout,
    I know the best must be builders strong,
    They don't mind if you've some left over
    And promise a quick job, but take long.

    One surgeon disagreed. "Politicians are best,
    For the following reasons they beat all the rest:
    They have no guts, no hearts, no spine within
                                        the range,
    But, best of all, their brains and bums can
                                     interchange!"
       
  • Hehehe.  :)
  • That's good Verica, love the last verse.
  • i think that has just about hit the nail on the head!  thanks for the interlude!
  • I like that Verica! Thank you
  • Good one Verica.  The one about politicians is certainly very true in today's NHS!
  • Yes, very good. What do surgeons think of vicars?!
  • I'm glad you liked it.  Having asked the surgeons, Stan, will this do on the spur of the moment:

    All surgeons agreed in unison
    Vicars do not need transplants or pills,
    They obtain divine intervention
    And are easily cured of their ills.

    I wonder if MW will ask about vets?
  • Hahaha! Thanks Verica!
  • Nice one!
  • Yes, I liked the verse about vicars, very good.
  • Do surgeons send vets to see a fellow-vet? And what do surgeons think about sick surgeons? Do doctors and nurses make patient patients?
  • Apparently, doctors and consultants always refuse to be treated at the hospitals where they work!  They probably make impatient patients.  Perhaps MDD would like to answer!       
  • Apparently, doctors and consultants always refuse to be treated at the hospitals where they work!  They probably make impatient patients.  Perhaps MDD would like to answer!       
  • I guess we can make difficult patients, though not necessarily intentionally :)  It's probably the fact that we have inside knowledge and therefore the people treating us may feel that we are scrutinizing every little thing that they do (like the mother-in-law from hell!).  On the other hand, we may be more patient as we know how the system works and that most of the time, the delays that occur are beyond the control of the persons who treat us on a day to day basis.  It's quite funny though, when I see kids whose parents are doctors or nurses.  Most of the time, I find myself speaking in medical lingo that I know they will understand.  I guess the most nervous situation would be treating the child of a Consultant Paediatrician!  I would definitely feel under scrutinity.  However, I do also remind myself that they are parents first and doctor/nurse second.
    As for preferring to be treated in different hospitals, I guess it depends on what you're having done.  After all, if you're going to be working with these people again, it might be more than a tad embarrassing if you know that they've seen intimate details of your anatomy and have possibly even had their hands inside bits of your anatomy! :0)  I have to say I have yet to request to be treated at a different hospital for that reason but I know colleagues who would.
  • I flipping would!  When I nursed at the Royal London, aeons ago, I got the impression consultants treated people merely as "cases" and we all had to troop off to Morbid Anatomy to learn about .... er, what?  How keen a professor can be to show you pretty grim stuff 6 months into training?  It's not like we were training to be surgeons.  Not for me, thanks, and several of us left after that, even people who'd previously qualified for SEN.

    I understand they don't take trainees to Morbid Anatomy any more and good for that.  We are dealing with real people, live on the operating table and hoping to get out alive. 

    On that note, did you hear the one about the doctor...???!!!
  • Aaahhh ... anatomy class.  Those heady days when you had to stuff Vicks vapour rub up your nose to be able to breathe for the following two hours.  And I have to say, the people who structured our timetables at medical school were meanies as they always scheduled our two hour anatomy classes before lunch.

    On a more serious note though, all of us greatly appreciated the people and families of the people whose bodies were donated for the purpose of medical school anatomy training.  I was quite glad to discover that the bodies can be given back to the family for burying/cremation even years after, at their request.  In the last few years, a few medical schools have adopted the training of anatomy via 3D computer programmes.  Not too sure what to make of that.  Keep thinking of this scenario of a future surgeon half way through an operation suddenly pausing, looking up and saying 'Whoops!  The computer never showed it from that angle' or even 'I'm ever so sorry.  We cannot proceed further as the computer crashed at that point in my training.'
     
    I don't know whether any of you caught the programme yesterday evening on BBC1 about the exodus of British nurses to Australia.  I'm ever so glad the BBC featured it at prime time as it's such an important issue for the NHS workforce.  And it's just not nurses.  One friend who went to New Zealand for a year said that >80% of the doctors and nurses there were Brits.  And like the Australian recruiting team said 'Their loss is our gain'.  I don't blame them at all.  Most nurses, doctors and other NHS workers and other professionals/non professionals move to Australia and New Zealand because they've been planning to do so for a long time and like the sunny climes and better work/life balance.  Let's face it, if it wasn't for my deep seated fear of insects, I'd like to go there and work for a while!
    To have to do so because you are so disillusioned and depressed about the British healthcare system is such a tragic shame.  And despite what Labour says and all the spin they put on it, as someone who has been in the system for 13 years, I personally feel the NHS today is generally worse than it was ten years ago.  Some things have improved, like working hours, but otherwise things are worse, especially morale.    The NHS is, I do believe, the biggest employer in Europe.  Let's face it, it was never going to be a profit making organisation but sacking staff when the demand on the system keeps increasing seems a short term, ill thought solution to save money so that Labour can tell the voters that the NHS deficit has been reduced.  The people who stand to suffer the most from the current epidemic of staff shortage are the patients, of whom I am one!  And, let's face it, the rubbish that has been on the tele recently about the need to train more nurses and midwives, it makes me mad!  There are plenty of qualified nurses and midwives out there already who don't have a job. Not because there isn't a need for them!  Just because there's not enough money to re-create all those lost jobs!  Talk about a waste of valuable human resources!  And the pittance below inflation rate payrise nurses have been given was the final slap in the face!
     
    And I can't believe some MPs are blaming the budget deficit on doctors's apparent fat pay contracts.  Show me the money, that's what I say!  There is a minority of doctors, mostly specialist surgeons who have the option to do private practice and some GPs with large practices that they manage on their own who earn considerable sums of money: they're not earning this money by sitting on their bums.  Compared to what similar professionals earn in the private sector, with the same working hours (let's face it, the private sector is not a 9 to 5 job anymore and has not been so for many years)and years of training, doctors' pay is bottom of the list.  My dentist friends who have just graduated and are in their first year of work earn twice as much as, if not more, than I do ... and probably more than a hospital Consultant!

    It's these MPs fat bonuses and pensions and other pluses like houses in the country and staying in top notch hotels and flying first class on my hard earned cash is what I want to know about ... alright maybe I'm exaggerating but some of it is propably true!   

    AAARRGHHH!

    ... well, that's enough ranting for one day ... deep breaths ... deeeeeep breaths ...
  • I hold all medical staff in the highest regard MDD, and from what you've said and I've read and heard things can be very tough indeed.

    My elderly grandmother was very ill and sadly died last month. In her last 3 weeks (all of which were spent in a busy hospital with wards beset and closed by a vomiting bug), the care and respect and tenderness she was shown was exemplary in spite of the difficult circumstances under which all the staff were working. Neither we nor she could have asked for or wished for any better.
  • Thanks Katy.  Sorry everyone, especially Verica.  This thread was meant to cheer people up, not depress them!

    Might I add that the current low morale is not specific to the NHS but is spread across the majority of the public sector.  Teachers are another group that have a lot to be angry about.  And pensionners.  And council workers. And ... well, the list goes on ...  I'm a grumpy so and so today, aren't I? And yes, generally, we are better off than millions of other people living in deprived countries facing daily poverty, illness and atrocities across the world.  And yes, our dream of a utopian society is as likely as pigs flying, pink ones at that.  And no government will ever be perfect (these days, it's more a case of eenie, meenie, mynie, mo, who is the lesser of the two evils).  But honestly, the degree of spin and mismanagement going on at present does make a red mist come down in front of my eyes.  The UK is a large area to manage and I wish central government would relinquish more powers back to local authorities who actually know what the heck they're doing and where the money should be spent! (as opposed to central government who cannot possibly come to grips with the nitty gritty needs of every county and apparently live in a fairyland where pigs not only fly but do cartwheels and somersaults as well!)

    ... Alright Talkbackers, it's time for MDD to go have a nice cup of relaxing chamomille tea and put a cold compress on her head ... 
  • But well said, MDD!  I get peed off with the whole thing...
  • When my late father was in our local hospital after having a stroke a few years ago there were so many things wrong in the "elderly" ward that I rang Age Concern.

    They rang me back shortly afterwards and asked if I would agree to being interviewed on TV and radio as they were currently involved in a project about the care (or lack of it) for elderly people in hospital.

    How could I, with my Dad still in the hospital? What sort of treatment would he have received if I'd made our concerns known so publicly?
  • I would have hoped his care would have improved to an acceptable standard, Jenny!  Patients often think that if they complain, they will receive a suboptimal level of care.  That is not the case.  People, it's YOUR body.  You have every right to question what is being done to it and request explanations for the things that you do not understand.  I used to berate my mother all the time for not asking the doctor questions.  She would come out of a consultation not understanding what was going on.  It only takes me a few minutes to explain to a parent in non-medical lingo what is going on with their child.  I show them Xrays, explain blood results and offer treatment options. 

    Of course, no one likes being told they are not doing their job properly but I would like to think people would work on that as constructive criticism and do something about it, i.e. improve service. 

    Unfortunately, the above examples only go to show how unacceptable situations arise when staffing cuts are made.  There used to be plenty of care assistants who would spend more time with patients, especially the elderly and the incapacitated, to help with feeding and bathing and even a cup of tea, thus leaving the nurses to do the admissions, the drugs, the fluids, the patient transfers, the bed changes etc.  Now you only have nurses doing everything and there are even less nurses than before!   

    There have been incidents when myself or my nursing staff have suggested to parents that they should consider writing a letter to the Chief Executive to complain about the care their child has received.  The parents normally look at me in shocked horror.  I then go on to explain that sometimes, for things to change, enough complaints have to be made that management finally sit up and pay attention.  Because they sure as heck don't listen to their own staff!

    There are a very small number of people who can make their situations a bit difficult because they are what we in the job call professional complainers.  They are very rare and normally give the impression that they will never be satisfied with anything, even if Florence Nightingale was to wait on them hand and foot.  I have no problem when there is a genuine objective reason for a complaint because it will improve service for those to come (i.e. learn from your mistakes).  The one case that springs to mind was the family of this adorable toddler who caused unnecessary havoc on a childrens' ward.  Even before they physically arrived on the ward, the nurses had prewarned all the medical staff to be careful about every single word uttered to this family and to carefully document every conversation with them (I swear, this kid's folder was heavier than him!).  Even the GP who referred this family on this occasion had a very resigned tone in his voice.  'And they would like to be seen immediately on arrival and not be kept waiting,' he said with a sigh.  'Ah-huh,' I said sceptically, thinking the only I would see this kid immediately would be the following scenarios: the kid was in a life threatening condition or I had absolutely nothing else to do.  I refuse to compromise my other patients' care just to satisfy somebody's unjustified pressing need to be seen ASAP.  In my eyes, every child is equal, irrespective of their parents' view to the contrary.  Bottomline is that one of my nurses and I wasted half an hour at 2 o'clock in the morning apologising to this family because the grandmother had deemed the cleanliness of the windowsill unsatisfactory (she shoved the slightly dusty digit in my face as proof).  And, by the way, having been referred at 2 pm, it took them 10 hours to come to the hospital (they lived 10 minutes away).  Unsurprisingly, when they pitched up at midnight with this toddler that should have been in bed, I was busy with a ventilated baby in neonatal intensive care.  Of course, I had to apologise for that as well (indeed, how dare I choose to waste time on a sick premature baby when I could have spent the time looking after their relatively well toddler?)  I felt sad for the kid.  Because of his family, every healthcare worker treads around his case on eggshells.  He has always received the best care but, things are just much nicer and you get more job satisfaction when the child and the family leave the ward with smiles on their faces.  Really makes the job worthwhile. 
  • .. Right, more chamomille tea for me then ... :0)
  • slurp
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