› ›
Welcome to Writers Talkback. If you are a new user, your account will have to be approved manually to prevent spam. Please bear with us in the meantime

Hospital notes

Im TryingIm Trying
edited May 2007 in - Reading

Comments

  • Im TryingIm Trying
    Thought I'd share these with you. They are actual extracts from patient records

    1. Patient refused autopsy.

    2. Patient has no previous history of suicides.

    3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

    4. Note: patient here-recovering from forehead cut, became very angry when given an enema by mistake.

    5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

    6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

    7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

    8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

    9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

    10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

    11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

    12. She is numb from her toes down.

    13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

    14. The skin was moist and dry.

    15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

    16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

    17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

    18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

    19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

    20. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

    21. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

    22. Skin: somewhat pale but present

    23. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
  • Island GirlIsland Girl
    Hi IT. Yes, extremely laugh-out-loud funny but I'm afraid I have to tell you that our resident comedienne, Jenny, beat you to it.

    See post: "Genuine or not?" 04/04/07 20:44:36

    Sorry IT, but don't let that put you off, please keep 'em coming.  :)
  • Im TryingIm Trying
    Mi mam alwayz sez I woz slow
  • Island GirlIsland Girl
    Well, you just pull your socks up, young man! Spit that hayseed from your mouth and wake up to yourself. Hehehe
  • Im TryingIm Trying
    Not the seeds I worry about IG
  • Island GirlIsland Girl
    I'm too afraid to ask!
  • Tessa TangentTessa Tangent
    No. 7 appears to be my case-notes from 2 years ago.  So much for the Hippocratic Oath.
  • JennyJenny
    I wonder if it was a Talkbacker who was "x-rated and sent home"!!
Sign In or Register to comment.