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Writing a best seller is SO easy

edited October 2012 in Writing
Well, I'm quite sure that's what most of the people who attended a seminar at the library yesterday went there thinking.

A lady from the Australian Society of Authors was in town to chat about what it takes to get published. It covered the basics and involved a lot of the common sense information members of Talkback chat about on here all the time. 'Do your market research,' and 'write the best book you can possibly write,' and 'don't sign any publishing contracts until you've had someone professional look at it for you' etc.

At the end of the two hour session as we stood casually around the coffee/tea trolley, a woman approached the asa lady and said she just KNEW her book about different stone fruits would be a definite hit because she'd read her manuscript at her son's school and the children had loved it.
The asa lady said, "Have you sent it off to any publishers? What did they say?"
"Some said they're not taking submissions and others said they're not interested...I don't understand it. There are books about wheat farms, dairy farms and animal farms but nothing about orchards. There's a definite call for my book. My grandfather owns an orchard so I know what I'm writing about."
"If you're still keen then perhaps you should approach other publishers. Find out who publishes the other books you've just mentioned."
"I have more than just the one book in me. The second book is following the journey from the orchard to the manufacturing plant and so on and so on. It's very educational." :rolleyes:

A woman with a husband as tall as she was wide nudged her way closer. She'd paid money to a publisher to produce her christian book but now wanted to know if she'd be better off sending copies along to the Miami Christian Expo where it would be lumped in with hundreds of others OR if she'd be wiser to place an advertisement in the christian magazine the publisher had suggested.
"It sounds like a vanity publisher to me. I presume they are asking you for more money for both these options?"
"Yes, but they're very helpful. I can phone them at any time. They're not shonky or anything."
"But YOU are paying THEM. A traditional publisher will pay you if your book is good enough."
At which point the cowboy hat-wearing husband pipes up, "The contract was all above board. I looked it over myself and nothing stood out as being troublesome. It provided non-exclusive rights, too."
"Which means what to you?"
"They said they're happy for us to sell the book anywhere we want."
"Actually, it tells me they don't care what happens to it. If they're happy for you to sell it anywhere, it means they are not interested in promoting it for you. They're just pleased to have you keep paying them."

The final straw for me was when the loud woman who'd been sitting next to me throughout the seminar said to me, "Well that all sounds too hard. All those things about contracts and publisher requirements...I don't think I'll bother now." I couldn't stand around any longer trying to suppress my grin so I left the building before the next best selling writer approached the lecturer.

Comments

  • Some people only hear what they want to hear.
  • You should see some of the emails I receive with submissions. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Sometimes you reject something explaining what is wring with it and the person comes back saying they really can't think how you could think that. (Having already in their submission said their family must be 'stupid' because they hadn't enthused about the story and probably hadn't understood it!)

    At the other end of the scale there are brilliant writers who have no idea how good they are and try as I might to tell them they still lack confidence.
  • IG, it's all in the ego!
  • IG, sadly this doesn't surprise me at all! Thank you for sharing; it's worrying really - I hope the quiet ones took the advice on board and went away feeling inspired.

    [quote=Mutley]Having already in their submission said their family must be 'stupid' because they hadn't enthused about the story and probably hadn't understood it![/quote]
    Sometimes there's just no hope!
  • What a tale! And well done for suppressing your mirth, IG.
    :)
  • Good thread. If I had a publishing contract for every wannabe writer... :)
  • Good tale, IG

    I remember telling my employer that I'd started writing, and she said that she'd thought about writing a book to make some easy money!

    Saw her a couple of weeks back, she's still on the day job.
  • edited October 2012
    IG, I think you have the makings of a comedy crime story there.:)

    Imagine a serial killer who's victims are all hopeless wanna-be authors...
  • Oh goodness, I loved reading that.

    Next weekend I'm off to the Wimborne Literary Festival and one of the events is for wannabe writers. I'm hoping to pick up some work...

    TBer Malcolm Welshman will also be there - the ticket was a small price to pay for the opportunity to meet a fellow nutter.
  • You'd make a great reporter, IG.

    I feel I was there.

    Did you feel the urge to contribute to the cloth-eared pair?
  • Seriously, how about an article for WM?
  • [quote=Carol]Imagine a serial killer who's victims are all hopeless wanna-be authors... [/quote]

    Wow, he'd never get finished.

    But let's face it, an unpublished fiction writer is just another sad person with a bunch of imaginary friends. :)
  • [quote=Baggy Books]But let's face it, an unpublished fiction writer is just another sad person with a bunch of imaginary friends. [/quote]

    You sound just like Mme snail ! :D
  • Enjoyed that, IG!
  • edited October 2012
    [quote=paperbackwriter]But let's face it, an unpublished fiction writer is just another sad person with a bunch of imaginary friends. [/quote]

    Loved that, didn't we?


    [quote=snailmale]Baggy Books wrote: But let's face it, an unpublished fiction writer is just another sad person with a bunch of imaginary friends. [/quote]

    No I didn't...did I?
  • [quote=Baggy Books]No I didn't...did I?[/quote]

    No, you didn't, it was pbw, I clicked on the wrong 'quote', confirming my essential sadness.

    I would apologise, but can't be arsed.
  • edited October 2012
    [quote=Mutley]You should see some of the emails I receive with submissions.[/quote]

    Mine'll be in your "In" box soon, then Muttley! :-)

    Makes me smile inwardly when the members of a certain Writers Group here in Suffolk all sneered at my efforts within a few weeks of joining; I didn't produce or read any of my older stuff for the first few wweeks while I sussed-out their calibre and content - but when I began to read various (published & paid) works, the faces they pulled! Well, anyone would think I'd spiked their teas with sour lemon juice...

    Jealousy, envy and vanity can be soul-destroying to newcomers confronting such stupid 'bigotry' for the first time - and NOT ONE MEMBER of this particular group had been published! All were echoing much of what you opened this thread with, IG - so I guess the problem is very definitely a world-wide issue, eh? ;-)

    Unless all authors are lucky, the old saying goes, "You've either got it, or you ain't!" - and I'll be the first to concede that it's damned hard work to get recognised...
  • pbwpbw
    edited October 2012
    *shrugs and joins the queue of mexican wave shruggers*

    Great thread, IG.
  • [quote=B L Zebub] "You've either got it, or you ain't!" [/quote]

    I still haven't worked that one out in my case...;)
  • LOL!

    So struggling to see a class of children loving a book about stone fruits...
  • Oh, and please can you stay longer next time to record what the rest of them wanted to say?
  • Thanks for bringing my attention to a word I'd not come across before IG.
    'shonky' - Austral./NZ adjective - dishonest, unreliable or illegal, especially in a devious way. Love it!
    It's in my Oxford English dictionary but I'm still only on the 'a's...
  • [quote=doodle]'shonky' - Austral./NZ adjective - dishonest, unreliable or illegal, especially in a devious way. Love it![/quote]

    Me too.
    It's bonzer.
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