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Hello to one and all - Pls read 'Love lights'

edited January 2014 in - Writing Tales
He took his shirt off and sat down on her bed. This was the most unexpected visitor she had ever had. He was also the most exciting visitor too. He turned to her and smiled his trademark smile, the one she had seen on his face many times before. But not in her domain and certainly not on her bedroom. His eyes were the most chocolatey colour of brown with golden flecks circling his iris. If fate and destiny were questionable before she now knew they did exist. She believed in the power of positive thinking and belief. He couldn't believe he was here with her, how on earth did this happen he thought. It truly was at last something that made his heart skip a beat and lifted away all confusion and complications. Suddenly he could see life clearly and he felt a new sense of knowing. Hard to explain but a deep sense of knowing that related to the meaning of life. This was what it was about, life and love, and he was lucky enough to have the key to the door and had unlocked the secret code.

"Where's the best place to put this?" he handed her a long golden brown parcel from his bag. Smiling he nodded in acknowledgement to her question if it was for her. He smiled again, this made the butterflies flutter in her stomach again. His mind was on one thing only and that was his love, the woman before him. He lovingly watched her open the gift, slowly and carefully as if it were the most precious gift in the world. She treated everything with the same delicate care and elegance. The light from inside the brown box illuminated her skin, it was the most brightest of gifts and yet simple in its style. "I want you to remember this moment and our love so this will hold all of it in there, it will never fade, never grow tired or old and will never lack lustre. This is my promise to you. I promise you that from today and now on this" he pointed to his heart, "is for you and only you".

The gift itself had two small bottles within and in them were two beacons of light, so pure and untouched by human hands. The small fragments of light looked very similar to small diamonds yet brighter, so real that they looked almost unreal. "If you place the light on your index finger it will sit there defying gravity because where it came from gravity does not exist. She did as was explained and followed his lead as they both simultaneously inserted the light into the centre of their chests. "That's where they stay, in the heart, no one can remove them and our memories of love cannot be forgotten . Whenever you want to remember this moment all you need to do is place your left hand there and it will trigger the memory.

Moments like these are captured by two human beings, their memories are stored in their hearts forever. The selfie and the braggie are fun but dont forget the heartie and soulie, they're the source to life.


  • Hi Nibbles.

    Did you realise you've posted this on an open discussion thread? That means anyone at all can read it and it's technically published. Not a problem unless you ever intend to submit it for publication anywhere.

    btw, you've also posted it twice.
  • Hello Nibbles,
    welcome to the forum. Is it feedback you're after? You might get a better response by hanging around a bit and getting to know some other talkbackers rather than just jumping straight in with an extract like this... they're a friendly bunch but do like people to say hello and introduce themselves!
  • As there was no introduction whatsoever, two copies and no further interaction, I took this to be spam from someone totally uninterested in everyone else and only here for feedback or advertising.
  • Possibly Liz, but no link to a product or anything... so let's give Nibbles the benefit of the doubt for now.
  • Hi there, lovely to be made to feel so welcome on here. Thanks for the tips and the expectations. I'll bare this in mind in the future. Thanks again.
  • It's not really a writing tips on specific pieces of writing site - it's general tips, info, support, chat and fun.

    If anyone wants specific help or opinion then they might ask here or send something to another member by mail.

    You have just posted a piece of writing with no question or anything, or a separate introduction thread - which is why it is being taken as and treated as spam (by me). No-one knows what you want to ask.

    We welcome anyone who wants to join in - please do!
  • Hi Nibbles, and welcome.

    Why don't you start a thread and introduce yourself? We'd love to know a bit about you! :D
  • And tell us more about what you're hoping for from anyone who reads your story. You've asked us to read it, but it's not clear why.
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