Marriage Counselling

Schumi

Schumi

I have a character in my novel that is growing increasingly tired of his marriage. He doesn't blame his wife, or his two children. He is just board of the same routine day after day, and wants more excitement in his life.

I plan for him to see a marriage councillor, but I am unsure of how you would actually go about this. I read this from a website:
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The yellow pages is probably one of the most common places to discover where to find marriage counselors. Your physician or minister may also be able make suggestions. But the most reliable sources of referral are people who have already seen a counselor that has successfully guided them to romantic love. Since couples are usually tight-lipped about their marital problems, that kind of referral is usually difficult to obtain.

Regardless of your source of referral, however, you should take steps to be certain that you select someone who can help you. And remember, the counselor who can help your marriage helps both you and your spouse. If at all possible, make sure your spouse is an active participant in this selection process.

Begin by calling one clinic at a time, asking the receptionist to speak to the counselor you are considering by telephone. There should be no charge for this preliminary interview. You should ask the counselor some of the following questions:

* How many years have you been a counselor?

* What are your credentials (e.g. academic degree)?

* Do you help your clients avoid some of the emotional hazards of marital adjustment?

* Do you help motivate your clients to complete the program successfully?

* Do you suggest strategies to solve your clients' marital problems?

You may wish to add other relevant questions. You may also try to let the counselor know what type of marital problem you have. After going through this site, you'll probably have more insight regarding your problem than counselors are accustomed to hearing. Use that insight to discover if the counselor has the background and skill to help you with your particular problem.

I would highly recommend that you ask if the counselor is presently using my books, His Needs, Her Need, and Love Busters. If they are not using these books, ask if they'd be willing to use them when counseling with you. While this may seem like a marketing ploy on my part, the reason I would like you to take my materials with you is that I'd like you to stick to the program I've recommended. There are many ineffective marriage counseling methods being used these days and I think you'd be more comfortable with a counselor who uses my direct method of dealing with the problem. Counselors that only sit and listen to couples complain should be avoided at all costs!

Most couples who see me are in a state of crisis. They don't go to the trouble and expense of marriage counseling for marriage "enrichment." They are facing marital disaster! With that in mind, time is of the essence. You cannot wait weeks for your first appointment. In fact, you should probably be seen the same day you call.

After speaking to several marriage counselors on the telephone, and taking good notes on their answers to your questions, try to narrow your choice to three counselors. Keep all your notes, since the first one you select may not work out.

When you and your spouse both feel comfortable with a particular counselor, set up your first appointment.
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It sounds okay, except he wouldn't be going with his wife to see the councillor. He would go alone firstly, with the intention of telling his wife that he had been seeing a marriage councillor.

If this is sounding to far fetched, please say because I don't want to get it wrong. Any advice would be great. Thanks.

Steven.

Jan

Methinks you must do legwork to be accurate on any research matter.

Try asking a friendly G.P. Visit Citizens Advice they will have leaflets on most avenues in life. "Relate" is the national organisation for counselling all relationship aspects.

Best of luck.

Carol

As Jan said,Relate would be the best people to consult. We had problems 20 years ago and received help from them. How they proceed depends on what the problem is and whether both partners are available/willing to talk. They probably have a website or ring the local branch and explain what you are doing and ask if they can assist you. Good luck.

Gardenia

First - check spelling ;)
Yes, first one spouse can go to seek advice from the councelor and after that the councelor may ask them both to visit him. As for the way in which such a councelor would proceed - they refrain from giving advices but rather make you tell them their problems and they mainly guide you with questions to explore your thoughts. In the novel you do not have to retell the whole process, nor the whole conversation! You can pick the most interesting bits, and the lines which give most information about your story's points. If you repeat the whole councelling process in your novel - that may make most readers skip the whole thing. Pick the best bits - make it as an intriguing piece of dialogue as that's what the audience would enjoy reading.

summernight

I think counselling can be helpful if both parties are willing to try; on the other hand it could be very upsetting to talk about your personal and intimate problems with a stranger, even if fully qualified and professional. When a marriage is in crisis anything is worth a try, but if a solution can't be found then is best for all involved to consider a separation. Sometimes all is needed is time and quiet thinking.