Christmas Story - 2017

edited December 2017 in Writing
Does anyone remember, back in the day, when we used to have a community write-fest on the lead up to Christmas. It comprised everyone adding a sentence or two with the resultant outcome being a weird and wonderful nonsensical story. Anyone up for it this year?
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  • "Anyone up for it this year?" asked Rudolph, one snowy Christmas Eve.
  • "What, with you Nosey? You're having a giraffe," mocked Prancer, pleased at his street-smart comparison gleaned from flying past a zillion TV sets a year.
  • Dancer rolled his eyes. Why did they always act up just before Christmas?
  • Cupid rolled his eyes, too. He wasn't sure why. That's why his nickname was 'Stupid Cupid'.
  • edited December 2017
    Santa had overheard their mutterings. "Come on guys, now is not the time for discontent. We don't want the elves upset, can't afford a down tools at this stage of the game."
  • "If it's good enough for the elves..." Rudolph said.
  • edited December 2017
    "Elves?" snapped one of the elves. "Elves? I'll have you for race discrimination. We are now generally referred to as 'fairyfolk' if you don't mind."
  • edited December 2017
    "Isn't 'fairy' a derogatory term too?" said Rudolph. "One has to be so careful these days - even Zwarte Piet has had to change his name."
  • edited December 2017
    Yeah, but that's only because no one knew how to pronounce it, said Dancer. As for the elves - they certainly act like a bunch of fairies. (Dancer ducked as an elf threw a snowball at him.)
  • 'What sort of a tree is a droggertree?' asked Cupid.
  • "And another thing..." said Rudolph now aware of a dilemma. If we can't mention the Zwarte bit of Piet, it's time you all stopped banging on about the colour of my nose. Use another word instead of the R word."
  • Warty? said Dancer. (He ducked as Rudolf kicked a snowball at him.)
  • Mrs Santa, who had come to see what all the rumpus was about, brushed the snow off her face, darted a piercing glance in Rudolf's direction, and placed both hands firmly on her well-padded hips.
  • "I can't leave you alone for five minutes and you're acting like teenagers who've had their toys taken away. Thank goodness you can't manage smartphones."
  • That's what she thinks, said Dancer, sotto voce, winking at Rudolph.
  • "Anyway. I was just checking any changes to the flight plan- you know there's always a no-fly zone somewhere- and I found a reminder for Santa to renew his driving licence..."
  • "... it's dated ..."
  • "...up until 23rd December, 2017"...
  • edited December 2017
    "It's a wife's job to remind her husband of such things," Santa mumbled, his face gradually turning the same colour as his suit.
  • Well he'd better renew his licence pronto because if he thinks I'm going to pull that sledge anywhere but airborne he's got another think coming, said Dancer with his hoofs firmly planted in the snow.
  • While Santa plodded of to the Polar Post Office the elves and the reindeers set about hatching a plan to...
  • smuggle in some winter cheer to the toymaking room. What could possibly go wrong?
  • The head elf...
  • ...'s sack was already bulging and clanking. Could she possibly have bought...
  • Advocaat, lemonade, lime juice and cherries?
  • and lots of cake.
  • edited December 2017
    (sorry, can't remember the proper way to add a picture)
  • "Did you remember the chocolate?" Asked the junior elf, Ziggy.
  • “Chocolate? That wasn’t on my list” said the head elf.
  • What about the weed? Said Cupid.
  • Chickweed, waterweed or naughty weed? asked another elf.
  • 'Oh the weather outside is frightful,' sang Marij Elf gaily.
    The other elves raised their eyebrows.
    'Now you've done it,' said the head elf.
  • "And we can't shut her up because you forgot the chocolate,"
  • "Don't worry, I've got some chocol't', a chocolate substitute. It tastes the same, it's just that it's..."
  • 'If you say, tofu, I might have to kill you,' said Marij Elf not so gaily.
  • "Now come on," said Mrs Santa, "You know that Christmas isn't about you, don't you?"
  • The elves stopped bickering and stared at Mrs Santa in astonishment.
  • "Oh oh oh!" said Santa, coming in backwards...
  • "I've had a brilliant idea - all in the name of equality, of course," he said.
  • LizLiz
    edited December 2017
    MRS Santa is going to drive the sleigh! While I...
  • ...spend the evening in with my real wife... Mrs Claus!
  • "WOW!" said all the elves at once, "That's bigamy!"
    Senior Elf scratched her pointy chin. "Or should that be bigayou?"
  • "Well that's put the cat among the pigeons," said Marij Elf. "Or should I say the partridge out of the pear tree and into the oven?"
  • "Oh, Santa, I know you prefer the cat to me," said Mrs Santa, "but you really must stop calling her your wife."
  • "Just teasing my dear. But you'll have to deliver the gifts as the post office can't help with the new driving licence. Not until I've passed the medical to prove I can still drive a sleigh safely- and they've seen the certificate. I'm now banned..."
  • "Of course I will," said Mrs Santa, "and you can cook the dinner while I'm out."
  • Which of course was a drama in itself - Santa had never cooked a meal in his life. He scratches his head...
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