Am I allowed to mix past and present tense like this?

Tonys

Hi, I've written the majority of the story in the past tense and when I've revised it I've come across several sentences where using the present tense just seems to flow more easily. Is this acceptable or will the story be marked down in a competition?
Here's a few examples:

David Nelson’s car pulled up as Dawn opened the door to her apartment block. He climbed out holding a bottle of wine. “Hi honey I thought you’d just need to chill out and relax tonight.”

They shuffled into the elevator kissing and embracing tightly as if their lives depended on the airtight seal between their lips - (hope that doesn't get nominated for the bad sex award ;-) )

Guiding herself with her left hand on the wall, she brushed past the table towards the feint light from the lounge window.

Thanks for any help

Tony

Jay Mandal

Hi, Tony. Welcome to Talkback. Why not introduce yourself on a new thread under Welcome Writers? (Apologies if I've missed it.) What's your favourite genre to read and write?

Where is the present tense? I don't think "feint" is the right spelling here. Are you comfortable using American English?

Jay Mandal

Sorry - there seem to be the odd comma and full stop missing, too.

dorothyd

Hi Tonys, go introduce yourself so we can all say welcome.
I don't see any present tense in there which would interrupt the flow but as Jay says, 'feint' is the wrong spelling there, that means something to do with paper. You meant 'faint' and it is something to watch out for.
It is not really a good idea to begin sentences with 'ing' words, known as dangling participles, try a rewrite such as 'she guided herself by trailing her left hand on the wall. She brushed past the table, heading for the faint light from the lounge window.'
You could also do with a few commas in the sentences you quoted here, not something I thought I would ever say, I usually advocate taking them out!

Rosalie

Hi Tonys.

I couldn't see any present tense, either. The tense structure seems fine to me. Which bits are you claiming to be present tense?

Dwight

[quote=Tonys]the airtight seal between their lips [/quote]

Er, yes, Tony: might not get the award but would certainly be nominated. It's because the reader is distracted from the action by your way of putting it.

As everyone has said, your tenses are fine here. In dialogue you have to use the words they would have said, so present tenses are just right in your example.

Phots Moll

I can't see a problem with the tenses either.

Agree you have the wrong 'feint'.

Tonys

Thanks everyone it was where I'd written 'He climbed out holding' that I was worried comp. judges may be a bit pedantic.

I've got it below 15,000 word limit so will go through it all again, correcting feint and taking out the 'bad sex' bit.

Will introduce myself later this week

regards

Tony

OverActress

There are no problems with what you are doing, but as an editor, I would maybe re-word this as it sounds a little awkward...

[quote=Tonys]They shuffled into the elevator kissing and embracing tightly as if their lives depended on the airtight seal between their lips[/quote]

Maybe:

They shuffled into the elevator, kissing and embracing tightly, as if their lives depended on the airtight seal between their lips.

OR

They shuffled into the elevator kissing and embracing as tightly as if their lives depended on the airtight seal between their lips.

The pauses in that first modification make it sound a little breathless... (!) Ay ay!

OverActress

Also, grammatically: the 'holding' is a participle, so it is an action occurring during the main action (the main action being 'he climbed'). These can be in pretty much every tense, and have tenses themselves e.g. having held (passive past participle), was holding (past participle). Holding is a present participle, but does not have to be used only in the present tense.

Hurrah for Latin training!