Oh help...

TaffetaPunk

TaffetaPunk

Not quite sure where to put this as I usually look at all the categories as a list, but here goes:

I know other people here have the same problem but this has sort of suddenly crept up on me and given me a quick thwack round the chops.

Although I've never read any JKR I wanted to watch the programme that was shown about her on ITV1 tonight, as she intrigues me nonetheless. My dad was moaning in the kitchen to my mum about how he didn't want to watch a boring programme about a writer and then said to me that he thinks fiction is pointless unless it has an actual point to make.  Most fiction has a point to make, dad, says I, promptly going upstairs to watch it instead and it was really interesting.

Now I'm wondering if, without saying it, he meant that my writing is also a waste of time.  It's just as well I'll be moving again shortly (those who know me know I move around a lot), because if this carried on, I'd soon be clinically depressed or insane.  Advice please, guys.

mcbemused

Ignore it, TP.  I know it's hard, probably because we writers are a sensitive bunch anyway, but you may find that deep down he is jealous.  Maybe he always wanted to write himself and resents you actually knuckling down to it.  The best thing to do is to carry on with your writing and be successful.  I would like to bet he will be so very proud of you when you are.

Another point, also regarding jealousy, is that if you read all the threads on this very site, you will see that it is not only non-writers who are jealous of the very successful ones...

Carol

I'm sure it wasn't directed at you TP.
More probably a case of 'not her again!' And have to say my hubby gets a bit fed up with these type of programmes too.
Other writers appreciate the useful bits that coming out of it, non writers don't.
And to be honest, the choice of programmes this Christmas has been pretty dismal- it may just have been an automatic reaction.
Don't worry about it. We need thick skins to deal with rejection.

Neph

TP if we gave up when people who don't understand it said things like that, none of us would have written a word. Don't take it to heart girl and believe in yourself.  Neither hubby nor father get it here, mum tries but ends up sounding full of false encouragement, its just one of those things.

TaffetaPunk

Thanks guys.  I know he did try to write a children's story years ago but screwed it up as he didn't think he could go on with it.  He isn't a great reader and doesn't like films very much, but I know he'll be proud of me if and when my book's published, especially the one I'm currently editing.  My mum knows - when I dedicated it to my nan who died last month and she read the dedication, she almost lost it and had to leave the room...

I'm sure it wasn't aimed at me personally but sometimes these things hurt and you wish the people who said them would just shut the f*** up sometimes before opening their mouths.  I do wonder whether he thinks my writing is all a waste of time, though - I know my ex did.

Neph

^^ hubby wanted to know why I took up so much of the kitchen with my desk, its not like I get much done.  Trust me there was nearly a paintbrush shoved somewhere the sun doesnt shine after that comment.

TaffetaPunk

:o)  Thanks, Neph - you always know how to make me smile...

Daisy

Dads can be a right pain can't they? I expect he was having a moan because there was something else he wanted to watch.  Don't take it personally.  It's funny how comments our parents make can really get to us even when we're adults.  You believe in yourself and your writing, TP. Others can have their opinions and make their comments, but that can't stop you from being a writer.  Mark Twain said: 'Keep away from people who belittle your ambitions'.  I'm not suggesting you keep away from your dad, of course, but don't let such remarks get to you. They're wrong.  

TaffetaPunk

Daisy, there was - the darts tournament.  Ahhh, but we all have our idea of what's pointless...  I can watch darts for a while but get bored after a match, but it's on every night more or less.  Yawn.  Perception is everything, I suppose. 

I'm so glad I have you guys here and my OH (currently in Switzerland which is another down) on msn...  I would have sat and cried all on my own otherwise.

Carol

If you must cry TP there's the cracker joke thread. You'll be groaning and crying with laughter.

Mutley

Firstly, (apologies to men on TB)in my experience men do not think about the wider implications of what they are saying. Secondly, everyone is entitled to an opinion but we must accept that some of them are wrong! Thirdly, don't ever give up on your dreams, they are the most precious things you will ever have.

Claudia

Hi TP - just read this thread.  It's horrible when someone makes a comment that could be directed at you, but equally may not have been.
If you think you could do it without losing your cool, why don't you gently ask him if he was referring to your writing?  Might clear the air, and at least he'd know that his remark hurt.  Chances are he didn't realise how insensitive a comment like that can be.

TaffetaPunk

Claudia, that's the problem - tempers fray far too easily round here at the moment and since we lost my nan, the last thing I want to do is upset my mum (it happened just the other night and I was mortified that between us we'd upset her).  I will say something though - when I trust myself to do it.

Hickey

Condescendingly ignore the comment.
A nameless person once said the same to me (of fiction) and, as they favoured newspapers so much, I couldn't help but point out that 'news' is the most arrogant fiction of all.

TaffetaPunk

Thanks, Hickey.  OH is saying to say something, I think I shouldn't, and I'm completely confluffed at the moment, so will wait till I'm less raw about it and see how I feel.  Actually, for someone whose books I've never read, JKR inspired me with that programme.  Just get on with it...

Claudia

I understand TP.  If things could blow up into a full scale row, then you are right to keep quiet for now. 
(Mcbemused - which threads are you referring to?  I haven't noticed too much jealousy on this site - you've made me curious.)

Neph

TP I think we all second-guess ourselves and read more into what someone has said than they actually meant.  Hubby used to do that all the time, read things into the things I would say, I told him if he was being a jerk I would tell him, I wouldnt drop hints about it.  I say what I mean, always have - has been known to land me in trouble.

Oh and you still owe me a review of a certain gig, by another man who doubts himself far too much too!!!

TaffetaPunk

Ah - Neph - yes, so I do.  Hm.  Well, if I haven't done it in the next few days, kick me up the backside via an e-mail and I'll get moving on it :o)

I did make a note of the set list if you'd like that to be getting on with...?

Neph

Sounds like a plan to me!!

*goes off to find doc martins just in case*

cooper

TP.  We write therfore we are writers and writing is never a waste of time.  Pratchett is quoted as saying, 'It's the most fun he could ever have with himself.'  Carry on lass, never lose the faith and have as much fun as you want to have.  Bloody men!!!

flyingtart

If your dad doesn't read much fiction it's not surprising he doesn't see the point of it, really.  Why worry?  Everyone to their own, as they say.  There are millions of people in the world who would love what you write!  So write for them, and just give your Dad a big hug instead.

TaffetaPunk

flyingtart, I believe you're right :o)  Drive me up the wall he may do but I still love my dad.  He just doesn't 'get it' a lot of the time and I get fed up with trying to explain.  Today, the concepts of Goth and punk were described as 'a load of crap' - hm.  As a self-proclaimed Goth, I had to defend that.  Ho-hum.

Neph, DMs won't be necessary - I'll send you the set list as soon as and the review will be forthcoming not long after that :o) 

mcbemused

Have just watched the JK programme repeated on ITV 2 and it was well worth it!

Gives hope to us all, and shows her to be the v. nice person I always thought she must be to write such fantastic books.

Carol

Yes I saw the last 40 minutes  of it, it was worth watching.

amboline

Please don't take it personally.

A lot of people simply don't read much at all, ergo they don't know how to value writing, and those who produce it.

Besides which, I'm not sure the comment was directed at you, because I *know* your writing has points to make! I'm sure he knows that too, even if he can't necessarily relate to its importance in your life.

allagentshateme

I don't tell anyone what I do. They think I play computer games all day I'm sure :D

I used to tell people what I do and at best I got: "If I had the time I'd write too." or "Oh, wow, I bet you're really rich!" I wish!!

The worse replies are so dismissive, like your dad, and I got many of them too. Ignore it.

TaffetaPunk

Thankfully, now we've moved to London and we're not in each other's pockets, we get on much better again. It always happens.