Getting Something Across

Im Trying

Im Trying

I'm at a point in a chapter where the heroin is in a world of her own, totally concentrating on what she is looking at.
Another clicks his fingers to bring her back to reality.
Any ideas how to get that across?

Carol

Could you use the click to represent some other loud sudden interuption, for example the click could sound like a gun cocking, the barrel swivelling in an old type- not sure if it does- but it would be a very sudden switch in view from internal to external. And could be a complete contrast to what they were watching intently.
Sorry if I've not explained it properly. I can never remember the correct terminology for these things.

Im Trying

Thanks for that Carol, not the kind of bringing back I had in mind, need something more gentle. Sentence of the chapter is

'Christine seemed to be in a world of her own, totally oblivious as to her surroundings, she wasn't responding to Daves' words...

Thats where I'm stuck

Carol

Assume Daves' was a typo, and you meant Dave's.
If you want a gentle break in, then you really have to block the view, perhaps by moving Dave (or enough of him to impinge on her awareness)in front of her, as he clicks his fingers.
I'm sure someone else will be able to suggest other things.
So watch out, you'll probably be spoilt for choice by tomorrow!

SallyQ

Depending on the mood of the scene, could you have Dave say something that draws her back, rather than a click?

For example, he could be talking about one thing then go off on a wild tangent like '...and then a giant jelly-like monster went to the fridge and took out a jar of mayonnaise.'

That's probably rubbish, but it's just an example.

Im Trying

Thanks Carol. Yes Daves' was a typo
Never thought of that way, sounds so easy when it's put in front of you
Will put that in my notes section, see what else come over
That's why I think this site great
Thanks

Im Trying

Thanks SallyQ
That's the kinfd of remark that Dave my character would come out with he is actually a Criminal Psychologist, and Stress Councillor with dry sense of humour

Stirling

Don't mean to nitpick, but I hope you meant heroine, not actually heroin.  I had to read the sentence a few times.

Do you have a book called The Criminal Mind (A writer's guide to forensic psychology) by Katherine Ramsland PhD?.  I bought my copy from Borders.

Im Trying

Hi Stirling.
Another typo, dyslexic keyboard
No i haven't. I am going to our local borders (I say local, it's about 14 miles and thats only one way) before the end of this month for another book, will look out for it
Thanks

Im Trying

Thanks scratch

Stirling

If you are interested (and willing to give me an address) I am getting rid of my copy.  You can have it, if you would like it.  I don't think I will be using it again.

Im Trying

That is very kind of you Stirling wills end my address in a seperate email
Thak you it is really appreciated

Stirling

No problem.

It might as well as be some use to you.  There is nothing sadder than a book sitting on a bookshelf unread.