How would you feel if you got this?

Flick

Flick

How does this look as a query letter?


      As best man, it’s Beck’s duty to arrange a stag night visit to a pole dancing club. The one thing he didn’t expect to see was his girlfriend Flick emerging head first from the ceiling wearing little more than a smile.
      My story Digging Deeper is a contemporary romance set in West Yorkshire. It explores the relationship between a man whose life revolves around digging up the past (he’s an archaeologist) and a woman who is desperate to hide the secrets of her past. I enclose a synopsis and blah blah chapters for your consideration.
     The story is approximately 103,500 words long and aimed at readers who like authors such as Jill Mansell, Fiona Walker, Lisa Jewell and Liz Young.
       I have an English degree from Birmingham University and a chequered career including jobs selling cyanide and writing travel articles for the Yorkshire Post. I’ve another romance completed and am part way though a third. 

Flick

It's not too long at around 100,000 words. This is not a series romance type book which would be 70 -80,000. The RNA told me to cut it to around 100,000 so I did. Thanks for the other points. I'll rearrange it.

Jay Mandal

It's not an autobiography, is it, Flick?

Flick

oops

moira

Hi Flick,

I've always been advised not include personal info but to keep it very professional rather than chatty.
I would also round up the word-count to 105,000, and possibly start with paragraph two instead of your para. 1.
Other than that, I think it's fine, I did read the synopsis by the way and think you should get some decent attention.

Are you sending it to agents or publishers?

Good luck anyway.

Flick

Thank you!
I'm sending it to agents and publishers at the same time. I am fed up of waiting months to hear back from one and then sending it on again.This time it is all out war.
(Whimpering - unless anyone has a better idea!)

Flick

They're the bits with the sex and violence!

Flick

YOu've got me. It's an autobiographical account of my days as a stripper and how I met my first husband and then killed him with a chainsaw when he tried to make me...maybe that's enough detail

NarnieB

And the cyanide....?

Flick

You'll just have to buy the book!!!!!!!!!!!!

moira

Flick, I would go with lots of submissions at the same time, just put something like 'please note this is a multiple submission' at the end of the letter so they know. It's a nightmare to be kept waiting, isn't it?

Flick

I feel really ill now. I can't let my baby go!

NarnieB

Yeah you can. I envy you, well done on just completing it. Watch it toddle off into the future, then watch it run.

Flick

Ooh it's stumbling at the first hurdle, no it's over. Will it make it through the water jump. Yes, but a bit soggy and one leg is now broken. Biggest fence coming up. Hey, made it to the post box.

Tilly

I'm too inexperienced to give advice on a query letter - but I just wanted to wish you the best of luck with your submission. Go for it!

Flick

Thanks Tilly. Oh how I would love to post in Writing Successes.

Mike Coombes

My initial observation is thaat you have a tense change in the first sentence.

Overall looks good, not overly long, ticks all the boxes, and the biographical information belongs there too.

For more help you might want to take a look at the forums at www.bksp.org under 'query letters that worked' - a number of successful authors have posted the queries that actually got them agents. You have to join ($30 a year) but I believe they have a free 5 day trial offer.