Punctuation query

Lou3000

I have written this sentence:

He’d loved her from the start but then; she had that effect on everybody.

Originally, I had a comma after the word 'then' but my Word editor put a green line beneath it and on checking, it would seem a semi-colon would be better. I'm not sure - I wonder if a comma is fine? Sometimes the Word editor has me dithering where years ago I didn't give a second thought to stuff I thought I knew!

Nutmeg

I would use a comma after start...or not use a comma at all, it doesn't seem to make much sense with the semi-colon there.

Tessadragon

Same here. The semi colon ; according to my English teacher was a substitute for the word 'and', so it wouldn't fit in right in your sentence.

Lou3000

Of course! Doh! Many thanks !

So I'll put:

He'd loved her from the start, but then, she had that effect on everybody.

Much better. *hands round the choccie eclairs*

neil

Now you've got too many commas!! I'd just have a comma after 'start' and leave out the word 'then'. But that's just me. Super eclairs. Can I have another?

Island Girl

Yep, I'd be just going with the one comma after the word start.

Nutmeg

i agree with neil and IG, oh and thanks for the eclairs :) yum

Tash

Agreed - you can do without "then" in that sentence.
Are there any eclairs left? But I'm on a diet. Oh all right then, you've twisted my arm - I'll just have one ;-)

dorothyd

remove all commas. I wage war on commas, so many authors over use them, sprinkle them, like confetti, and I hate, it.

Carol

I'm with the one comma, and remove then group.

Lou3000

Too late! I sent the story off this afternoon! I've been tweaking and editing so much I was losing the natural flow of the story - taking stuff out and replacing it with something fresh, probably because I'd read it so many times! I realise that this is a learning curve. I know my spelling and grammar are fine so if there are a couple of punctuation quibbles in there hopefully they won't detract from the story. It's for People's Friend so I've written in a 'chatty' way.

Fingers crossed.

Oh, by the way, the eclairs are totally calorie free. In fact, these eclairs have magic cream inside which actually helps you lose weight!

Tash

In that case Lou, I'll have another one - ta :-)

Daisy

How about: She had the effect on him that she had on everybody: he had loved her from the start.

he he!! Just joking!! The eclairs have gone to my head.

neil

Oh God, and here's me trying to put on weight!!

Tessadragon

Or
He’d loved her from the start but then again, she had that effect on everybody.

Viv

Good luck with the Peoples Friend. They won't turn your story down because of one misplaced comma!

Stirling

Personally, I would have said "he loved her from the start, but she has that effect on everyone".

I have a thing about the word 'had', treat it like the plague. I think the word has gives it more immediacy.

When talking about commas, I insert them when a sentence sounds like a character/narrator would need to take a breath. As for the semi-colon, I was recently reading a book on style and grammar and they say it should be used to extend a sentence, but it must be relevant.

mcbemused

Agree totally with Stirling on this one. In my style book, the semi-colon represents a longer pause than the comma, not a place where and should go.

Hickey

If it was spoken, as oppose to 'within the text' (?)... I'd prefer
"He'd loved her from the start, but then, she had that effect on everybody"
If within the text then...
He loved her from the start, but she has that effect on everyone.