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It's all in research...

louiselouise
edited November 2008 in - Writing Problems
but I'm writing a scene where the heroin is drunk. I'm having a funny but cringe-worthy time remembering the weird and wonderful things I've done under the influence. :D

But I'm trying to write it as "showing", I don't want to say, "Sarah bumped off the wall, fell off the kerb to fall in the gutter in a tangle of legs and arms...." I want it from her persepctive, if you know what I mean:
The wall hit Sarah and the kerb tripped her up.... but it sounds, er, not right. Is there a way around it?

Comments

  • StirlingStirling
    If you wanting her perspective, then I would suggest trying first person.

    Also in the sentence she is hitting the wall and falling off the kerb simultaneously (?)
  • louiselouise
    I don't like writing in the first person. I wonder if where that's where I'm going wrong?

    She's bumping off the wall, and then falling down the kerb.
  • TessadragonTessadragon
    she walked out of the pub, raising her hand to her head, frowning, trying to focus on what she was looking at, trying to remember where she was meant to go. She uttered a sharp groan as her shoulder grazed the brick wall. "Gonna be a bruise," she murmured, and rubbed her arm as her foot plunged off the kerb. She yipped as she stumbled into the gutter. Behind her, someone laughed. Anger flared inside her.
  • CarolCarol
    that's good TD.
  • TessadragonTessadragon
    edited November 2008
    ty Carol
  • louiselouise
    Thanks TD. :D
  • TessadragonTessadragon
    glad to help :)
  • DwightDwight
    Carol, someone wrote somewhere (can't remember who, but who cares): to show and not tell, remember the five senses.
  • StirlingStirling
    Jane Wenham Jones said something like that in the current issue of WM.
  • DwightDwight
    Oh, in that case I beg her pardon.
  • CarolCarol
    Show not tell should be what you think about when you're writing anyway.
    It is quite a subjective thing for a writer to have their character show themselves being drunk, as each drunk is different- depending on how much has been consumed, and how little or much it takes to effect your senses.
  • JanJan
    [quote=louise]want it from her persepctive[/quote]
    Perhaps:-
    Trying to focus the alcohol blurred images, Sarah bounced from wall to kerb. Viewing clown antics, through tangled legs and arms, she floated from kerb edge to feel gutter catch her from gravities pull.
  • StirlingStirling
    Has anyone ever noticed the difference of watching drunken behaviour when sober and when drunk?
  • CarolCarol
    Not really considered it Stirling.
    But even when I was younger I never got drunk.
  • StirlingStirling
    I don't often, but I wonder if those who do realise how ridiculous their behaviour looks to the sober?
  • CarolCarol
    Doubt it...:)
  • louiselouise
    Oh, but it's so much fun!!! :D
  • TessadragonTessadragon
    i watched my boyfriend stumble on his way to the loo while he was drunk...he maintained that he was only tipsy, however i was able to fool him that for months he'd done something so terrible so he kept asking me for ages what it was, he was so convinced.
  • CarolCarol
    Cruel girl...;)
  • TaffetaPunkTaffetaPunk
    Louise, friends of mine wrote a song about getting plastered (they had experience, being musicians...) - and one of the lines was about the floor coming up to meet you. Would that help?
  • louiselouise
    Thanks Taffeta, that's a good one.

    Thanks again everyone for your input.
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