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Comments
This is a beautifully written story. Poignant, sad, disturbing but always with a sense of hope.
Esperanza is an engaging character and the descriptions of her grim life in Madrid, via the notes sent home to her sister, are vivid: at once both prosaic and poetic. The need for her to create an alter ego to endure and survive is particularly well executed.
I presume you are an African national - you seem to have caught the style, the 'voice' of a young quite educated black African girl.
I was drawn into these opening chapters and enjoyed the experience of reading your work immensely. I think you have potentially a very fine book in the making.
One tiny comment (not criticism). I would have liked a little more sense of place. Just something more of the 'atmosphere' of Madrid.
I think today is my day. A review of my other piece (Three Scurrilous Stories) has also been posted. It starts:
"I like your stories and I like your cool, modern style of writing. The jokes in these pieces are excellent and I like the way you've adapted well-known figures to make some pertinent and very funny points."
I won't bore you with the rest, but it includes small errors of the kind ST pointed out.
Please excuse me for pushing all this at you, but it is my first post ever on 'Writing Successes'.
Will reply to your e-mail soon.
Hugs,
Hush Puppy
I hope you're OK. No rush to reply. When you can. Big hug from me....
Is this the story that you are composing in the Spanish language?
I am so glad that you liked the book. My writing has never generated so much attention before. Thank you for all the pointers and the tremendously positive things you say. They both make all the difference. On the train home today I edited my Three Scurilous Stories based on ST's and another reviewer's comments. I couldn't have made all the improvements I did if it weren't for their efforts on my behalf.
The story is very true to life down to tiny details. If it's okay with you, I'd like to e-mail you with some background so that things fit into place.
Jan, it is the story I am writing in Spanish. I translated the first three chapters into English partly for YouWriteOn and partly because my Spanish collaborator kept indicating that somethng was missing which she couldn't define. I suspected, and now see, that it's a depth of knowledge of the language. I'm going to carry on in English (even more so after the previous reviewer thought I was genuinely African.)However, the subject matter is very topical here at the moment.
For attempting dual language composure. Perhaps finishing it in English you may obtain a publishing deal and then have it printed in many languages.
"Absolutely awesome. Horrific and frightening. Occasionally an amazing piece of writing pops up on this site and The Slave's Notebook is one of these. I completely forgot that I was reading something which I had to review and was drawn into a terrifying world made even more scary by the fact that it's happening now.
Neither was it a sequence of anecdotes guaranteed to shock. The way the story unfolds with inexorable precision is brilliantly done and utterly chilling.
This succeeds on every level. Writing is at it's best when it informs and stirs emotions. The subject should concern and worry everyone who reads it."
Okay, I'll just go away now and enjoy the moment before getting down to writing again tomorrow.
Thanks for the plug! I have hopes for the revised version.
It doesn't matter if this is just a flash in the pan, it's given me a real boost and believe me I needed it.
Nena, Claudia, TT, Josie, Katy, Tracy: I'm touched that anyone would go out of their way to read my stuff and your messages of encouragement are very much appreciated. I did get onto the site this afternoon and saw the post you mentioned. Katy. I have no idea who it is. I also noticed a message from Ted on the staff at YouWriteOn which mentioned the book cover. It's a photo of one of my oils that I painted in a rest from writing the book during the Easter hols. I never thought it would make a book cover, albeit a virtual one.
I'll go away now and let someone else have the spotlight.