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Incidentally, this was inspired by the lovely touchy, feely thread about what we get out of Talkback. I regularly regale my friends and family with Fiji Tales, so I thought this time I'd include my virtual friends too.
Sorry it's a bit long though!
Well it's not every day you get offered a free cruise is it? So how could she say, no?
Now here they were, island hopping from one perfect location to another. And in between, they were diving, snorkelling, kayaking... I'm in heaven, she thought. Then she caught a cold.
You'll have to stop diving, said her husband.
Shan't, she said.
But you won't be able to pop your ears when you descend if you're all bunged up, he said.
Give me the drugs, she said.
So he gave her decongestants, and she dived and she dived. And it was good.
On their final morning she awoke. Her chest rattled and wheezed. She sounded like one of the radiators in her old school. And it was bad.
You'll have to see the doctor, said her husband.
Shan't, she said.
But you're ill, he said.
Where's the Lemsip? she said.
That night her husband gathered up his pillows and headed for the guest bedroom. It's like trying to sleep with a noisy radiator, he said.
The following day was spent curled up with her Lemsip and boiled sweets (because there was not a Strepsil to be found in town). She played with her computer and she coughed and she coughed. All the while her chest squeaked, creaked and rattled like a fifty-a-day gal.
That night they agreed that maybe the worst was over and they could sleep together again. Alas. As soon as she lay down the coughing began anew. She gathered up her pillows, tissues, bottle of water and boiled sweets and trundled off to the guest bedroom like a sad little Wee Willie Winky.
I'm going to see the doctor, she said the next day.
The receptionist looked startled. You want to see the doctor? she said.
Our heroine was surprised because she knew that all the europeans used this surgery. After all, it was the only surgery in town.
I do, she replied.
But he's doing circumcisions all afternoon.
Ah, she thought, that explains why there are little boys hanging around outside.
Perhaps you could cut me in? she said with a straight face.
Okay, said the receptionist.
The little boys kept popping their heads around the door to look at the european lady who was making funny noises without opening her mouth.
Snip snip snip, she said in response to their giggling.
The doctor made her cough and breath deeply while listening with his stethoscope. (Though in truth he could have heard perfectly well without it.)
While he wrote a prescription for anti-biotics, he gave her some advice.
Do you know what an inhalation is?
She nodded.
Do you have some Vicks?
No but I have Olbas Oil which would work.
I want you to take two inhalations every day.
Yes doctor.
Lots of drinks, but not from the fridge; you have a fridge? Room temperature or hot drinks only.
Yes doctor.
Now I'm going to give you a cough mixture remedy. You'll have to make it yourself.
He measured a length between his long brown fingers. If you have a piece of ginger this long, cut it in half. Peel it and slice it into pieces this big. Slim fingers measured the imaginary pieces. Now add three or four cloves of garlic and two chillies. Pound it all together. He slammed his right fist into his left palm. Put everything in hot water for some little while, then take away the pieces. If you want you can put some fresh lemon, but no sugar please.
He noticed her expression and gently wagged his finger. I do this for myself when I am sick and it will work for you too, he said with a smile and handed her the prescription.
As she left she distinctly heard him crack his knuckles. In readiness for the next circumcision perhaps?
She had ginger in the fridge, garlic in the cupboard, chillies on the bush in the garden and lemons in the fruit bowl.
You should do what the doctor tells you, said her husband.
Hmm, she said from under a towel as she obediently breathed in her Olbas Oil inhalation.
One thing she was sure of: if she decided to try the infernal potion, someone would be sleeping in the guest bedroom again tonight.
TO BE CONCLUDED
THE CONCLUSION
Before getting ready for bed, she boiled a kettle of water and carefully squeezed the juice from a beautifully fragrant lemon. She briefly contemplated the condiments the doctor had ordered before adding a big dollop of honey instead.
Bu*ger the garlic, ginger and chilli she said to herself as she happily joined her husband in their big cosy bed!
Night night folks.
Loved it, Claudia - my only puzzle was what happened to the cruise?
TT - if you check out the Travel Writing Perks thread you'll read about the free cruise.
Cheers all.