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Hi everyone I would apprecaite your counsel on that subject particularly on that subject 'Show & tell. how to do it properly and write it, I have read the books but would like some more suggestions especially since I seem to telling more than showing I.e, 'Unfortuanetly for him all he got at the other end was an electronic beep and message to call back later' this is telling isn't it rather than showing isn't so I would like any suggestions of how to do former rather than the latter, its not easy although I will reread my writing books be having another go.
Phil.
Comments
When it's things physically happening, you have no option but to tell, to an extent. The "show not tell" advice is really concerned with more abstract or emotional matters, so instead of, for example, "Peter was sad to get the answerphone again", you might try illustrating Peter's mood through his actions, without directly stating it. In your sentence, I'd say the only place you could show rather than tell would be the "Unfortunately for him". That he got the answerphone would have to be reported one way or another (although perhaps something a little more dynamic?)
So how about something like:
"He picked up the receiver and dialled the numbers his fingers knew by rote. He was already hanging up even before the answerphone kicked in." which I hope conveys a sense of his frustration.
or
impatiently enthusiastic for a new love (and somewhat overblown, but you get the idea!): "He punched in the numbers. That honey-tinged voice was only a few seconds away now. 'CLICK. BEEP. Leave a message.' Where was she? He dialled again."
He swore softly as the phone beeped and told him to call back later. i.e. Tell us what HE did, felt, heard, etc. (action) not what the phone did.
Show: make visable, display, or demonstrate
Tell: relate
Hope this helps
He dialled, balancing on the edge of his chair, and hissed through his teeth as he drummed his fingers.
"Click. Beep. Leave a message."
Rats! He knew he'd have to leave it, until after that damned conference.
Show, makes your story longer.
Tell, sums it all up.