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How far do you go to write as someone speaks?
I'm writing a story in the first person (for my course) from the point of view of a 50 year old not well educated bloke who has just come out of prison.
1) Do I limit the incorrect language use - things like me instead of my and was instead of were - to his speech or include it in the first person narration?
2) how far would you go - should I drop 'h' off words and use things like 'could o' instead of 'could've'?
Any thoughts appreciated.
Comments
1) I would limit incorrect language to the dialogue only, and even then use it sparingly. I think any more than this might jar too much with the reader.
2) I think it's fine to drop off letters, but again be careful how many words you do this to.
So I would do just enough of other things to give the feel, but don't go overboard. And whatever you do, do it consistently.
If it's a first person narrator then his 'voice' in your piece should reflect his speech patterns in the same way as the dialogue IMO, as the narration is effectively dialogue with the reader.
Come on all you blokes, on TB, 50 years old and just out of prison. Help Mutley please.
http://manybooks.net/titles/wellshgother07Kipps.html#download
Sample sentence to illustrate: "I guz up to find me a clean jumper, 'cos i wants to keep Freda sweet.' Er can be very gobby an' scathin when 'er's coarse, 'an when 'er calls me Flower 'er's very reminiscent of Janis, which is most concernin'"
I could have altered the spelling to better reflect the dialect, but it would have been very difficult to follow. I think the trick is to try and capture the essence or 'feel' of the narrator. Try 'listening' to your character and just report what 'he's saying
As I said this was an experimental story and I was more than surprised to get a short listing, so go for it Mutley
Personally, I tend to write my dialogue pretty much grammatically correct, and just change the tone, phrasing and particular words used depending of how the character sounds in my head and what I think would be natural for them. I have a few very serious characters who won't even use contractions in their speech, and only one who drops the 'g' off every 'ing' (he has a lazy, laid-back, southern-states American drawl).
I'd say, have a go and see how it turns out. It might be fantastic or it might be terrible. Can't hurt to try though. :D
Good luck!
*SA*
I agree with SA, too much 'colloqial speech and slang' can detract from the piece, but clever use of tone and phrasing is preferable.
I think that you have to be very careful here or may end up sounding like a bad gansta rapper or worse still Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins. And Cor Blimey luvva duck, you would want that.
Good points, though, worth remembering when attempting dialect.
I agree too. In fact I'd go further and say that all severe dialogue, phonetically written dialogue (Gerroff an' dontcha dur c'm'ere again) and any other techniques which slow the reader down are suspect. The usual advice is to suggest these things briefly, or in one or two phrases only - if you positively have to include it at all. It's inviting reader rejection.
Sometimes a change in speech can come out to display intensity. When the character gets flustered or is facing a crisis and their guard is down.
One way or another, Mutley, you're going to learn something useful from this piece. You will tell us what your tutor told you and your group afterwards, won't you?
Sorry.
Also, try to avoid saying "Well/Yes/No" too often. We may say them, but it doesn't always look good written down.