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Tweaking versus twerking.
As I am
A) male
48 years old
C) white
D) British
E) have somewhat rickety knees
my attempts at twerking - as I believe the popular "grinding" style of dancing is referred to - were unsuccessful. So, rather less painfully, for my knees and anyone watching, I did some tweaking of my part written story, "The Kerning", instead.
Anyone interested in seeing what tweaking, not twerking, looks like may wish to mosey on over to my little spot of the web.
https://themoustachioedreader.wordpress.com/2017/01/29/chapter-4-2/Regards
Gavin
Comments
"Not too bad at all, looking forward to more. PS what took you so long?"
Thanks Mum!
G
Would you mind a bit of editorial comment?
'But, more than the promise of, not only good coffee' - you don't need either comma here, but especially not the one after 'of'
You have 'sign-writer's' but 'sign writer' - be consistent
You have 'hand' in one form or another 6 times in 11 lines. You could avoid this kind of repetition (and you do like to hang onto a word or phrase once you've got it!) if you read your work out loud.
'Small butterflies rose from her behind her white socks' - is this intentional?
'The kerning, however, was poorly executed. The spacing between many of the letters was too great making each letter appear disconnected from the other and disrupting the flow of the words. The artist should have taken greater care with the kerning, they should have paid more attention to adjusting the subtle space between the letters.' - repetitious. Is this a character trait, or a mistake?
The artist...they should have...his brushes - which is it?
Hope this helps.
American, eh? I was wondering where I could get free refills like that.
(When you edit, you need to turn the first apostrophe at 'BEST COFFEE...')
I got right to the end, but, disappointingly, no twerking video.
Ta!
G
Don't be disappointed!
But it does beg the question of whose pigeon was it?