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Character Speech and Action.

febesfebes
edited November 2010 in - Writing Problems
I am just wondering if there is a right or wrong way to do this, as I have had the discussion with a friend who does it differently.

When a character speaks, then does something, I put it on the same line:

"I have had enough" Sarah stormed out of the room.


But my friend would put it on separate lines like:

"I have had enough."
Sarah stormed out of the room.


Who is right? Or are we both right?

Comments

  • dorothyddorothyd
    I always have it on the same line. One author I have never uses 'said' or anything like it, he always does it by action afterwards. If we put it on a separate line, his books would be huge!
  • JennyJenny
    I always put it on the same line. That makes it clear who has spoken.
  • boredrobotsboredrobots
    Yup, another vote for the same line.
    Although I have seen it done both ways, I think on the same line flows better.
  • JennyJenny
    I don't like books where you have to go back half a page to work out who's speaking!
  • febesfebes
    This was my point with my friend. She gave me a short story she wanted me to read over. I pointed out the action thing, but she never put 's/he said' after speech either.

    I said that had she put an action afterwards, on the same line, it would have been clear who was talking at that moment in time.
  • DwightDwight
    I would stay on the same line too. However, when narrative commentary comes in the middle of the dialogue, there is a case for separating it into its own paragraph if it becomes a bit long, before returning to speaker one, speaker two. This appears in Pride and Prejudice, Chapter 2. The commentary is on Mrs B, and it is her who speaks next as well, but narrative and dialogue run better if separated:

    ``I am sick of Mr. Bingley,'' cried his wife.

    ``I am sorry to hear that; but why did not you tell me so before? If I had known as much this morning, I certainly would not have called on him. It is very unlucky; but as I have actually paid the visit, we cannot escape the acquaintance now.''

    The astonishment of the ladies was just what he wished; that of Mrs. Bennet perhaps surpassing the rest; though when the first tumult of joy was over, she began to declare that it was what she had expected all the while.

    ``How good it was in you, my dear Mr. Bennet! But I knew I should persuade you at last. I was sure you loved our girls too well to neglect such an acquaintance. Well, how pleased I am! and it is such a good joke, too, that you should have gone this morning, and never said a word about it till now.''
  • CarolCarol
    Yes I agree, same line.
  • RedRed
    The speech and action should always be on the same line, because the action denotes the squence of speech and action or vice versa. Putting them on separate lines only confuses readers and is bad grammar and archaic (except in the instance as the example above, from Dwight, where it is necessary because of sentence lengths).

    "I have had enough." Sarah stormed out of the room.

    If this line is broken and the action is put on a seperate line then you break the flow, the pace is interrupted and the sentence structure is weakened. A book like that would be unreadable.
  • dorothyddorothyd
    and that example from Dwight is the very reason I don't read Jane Austen. It's dry as dust. I don't believe people spoke like that, even in 'posh' society.
  • DwightDwight
    I won't allow you to get away with that, Dorothy. I love the level of social irony she uses in her books, and in any case, a modern reader suspends their critical insistence when tackling a book written in 1813, when the novel was relatively young as a genre.

    The excerpt I pasted may have to stand alone in its own paragraph for another reason: it refers to two different characters, beginning by 'narrating' the position of Mr Bennet following his speech, but going on to 'narrate' the position of his wife prior to her speech. So whose speech could it be connected with? Answer: neither.
  • Phots MollPhots Moll
    It should be on the same line - or in the same paragraph if long sentences mean it goes over one line. If the character speak, then acts, then speaks, then acts it would all be the same paragraph until someone else spoke or did something.
  • dorothyddorothyd
    nothing you say will make me change my mind about her, Dwight! and yes, we can 'suspend' critical insistence but ... reading should be forpleasure and if you find no pleasure in the author, you avoid them. Right?

    PM is right, the Austen piece is not.
  • kadokado
    Quote not working again.

    Phot's Moll said:

    'It should be on the same line - or in the same paragraph if long sentences mean it goes over one line. If the character speak, then acts, then speaks, then acts it would all be the same paragraph until someone else spoke or did something.'

    I totally agree.
  • DwightDwight
    On the other hand, PM - and I'm acting as devil's advocate here to tease out varying possibilities - if it went on and on and on in the same paragraph, there would be monotony. Someone else would have to do something or say something, or something else would need to happen, to break that paragraph. Another convention in novel writing is to divide up a long speech into paragraphs, for example when someone is narrating a past incident.
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