essay (im)possible

Hi, i am a foreign student having issues improving my literature essay. The teacher gave us instructions: Discuss the importance of education in George Orwell's Animal Farm. and here is what i came up with. If anyone has any corrections or ideas i would be more than happy to hear them. 

                          The importance of education in Animal Farm

In his book, G. Orwell depicts an allegory about misleading educational system by illustrating life of farm animals. The ungenuine information inforced by educatet dictatorial pigs leads to complete chaos.

The rise of the animal government can at first glance be prejudgementally seen as a positive change. Namely, wise and charismatic pig Snowball teaches animals to read. However, unequal education is what tends to corrupt society. Manipulative, sly pig Napoleon indoctrinates rules of animalism into animals subserving them to himself along the way, for example when he dictates them seven commandments. Furthermore, he burns books, wich prevents animals to becoming literate. In addition, the lack of true education is illustrated through naive thinking of animals. Boxer is unable to think independently, he only develops a repeating mantra ""I will work harder". Animals are willing to obey any rule. Even when Clover question morality of killing other animals, she quickly succumbs and doesn't object. 

In conclusion, i would like to stress that Animal farm represents what could be called the peak of corrupt education. However, while eradicating last glimmer of common sense, pigs stay true to their mentality. It means that their form of education can be completly related to the idea that rotten educational system crashes every society.

Comments

  • This seems to be about the lack of education, rather than actually about the role education plays. I don't mean that what you've written isn't relevant – showing that a lack of it is bad does highlight it's importance. However I think the essay would be stronger if you could find some examples of education eg How Napolean 'teaches' the others to follow him and the commandments.
  • Hi Ivana,
    The secret (?) to good essay writing is structure and validity of statement.

    You need to introduce and conclude the discussion, but the middle part should thoroughly explore it, point by point; use paragraphs for each point that you make.

    When you make statements, you need to support them with textual evidence, i.e. quotations from the book.

    If the animals are representative of society, outline which types they are using comparison, and state how education, or lack of, typically impacts on these types - personality/social status/gender, etc. What is the wider impact of education on society?

    While you make good points, as it stands, I think the tutor might say that it lacks development. Can you read essays around the subject to give you ideas as to how essay development is achieved? Look at some educational websites for the teaching of this book, e.g. the BBC or National Curriculum.

    On a language level, you need to check that you have included 'a' or 'the' before subjects, e.e. 'the misleading educational system'... 'which prevents the animals...'. I don't think you can 'depict' an allegory; it would be more accurate to write 'Animal Farm is an allegory which depicts...' There are also a few spelling errors (enforced, educated, which...).

    Good luck with this and well done with tackling the themes of literature in a second language!
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