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The most difficult part for me is I can write quite allusively. I like to give the overall feel of something without the need to explain every word. My editor asks for clarification on everything.
Page 1. I want to say 'they were halted in a winding rush,' for when they slam into a haystack. By that I mean they were winded on impact. Ed thinks the meaning is unclear. I see her point but my phrase fits the rhythm and mythical feel better than a simple factual statement. What do you think?
Comments
It's an awkward one, because you know what you mean it to imply, but the reader doesn't; and the ambiguity of the spelling/pronunciation makes the reader question it.
I'd change it unless what precedes and follows it makes the meaning obvious.
They were halted in a rush? It's almost akin to 'They came to a sudden halt', but it's odd. 'They were halted in their rush' would make sense, but with a different meaning.
'They were halted in a hurry' - same idea, but again it doesn't quiet work.
'They windmilled to a halt' - I've seen that used, and it's perhaps more obviously descriptive of their actions.
As they slammed into the haystack they were winded to a halt.
Or:
They were winded to a halt as they slammed into the haystack.