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Having got out of the Thames, Stan, went home to wash and put on his best suit, readt to meet THE WIFE at Kings Cross Station in London. an hour later he was still waiting and waiting and ...
Meanwhile, in a far country, Mustapha the Camel waited, aware of the increasing clamour from afar, and sure that he would soon be swept back in to Talkback on a tsunami of popular demand.
He heard the unfamiliar PING of a text and craned his neck to reach his mobile phone from the saddle bag. He held it between his big, yellow teeth and became cross-eyed as he attempted to read the message. It seemed he had a friend after all.
'Well, bless my hairy humps,' he exclaimed to a passing sidewinder (though it sounded, through gritted teeth, like 'gless gy airy gunks'), 'I've only got a message from...'
'If Lassie can do it, then what's to stop a big, strapping camel? I must make my way to London straight away! Now where did I put that Oyster card...?' Mustapha girded his loins (as you do) and...
his loins, unused to being girded other than for the purpose of sensual pleasure, wilted at the prospect of secretly travelling to King's Cross clinging to the underside of an HGV.. He read the message again and pressed 'delete'.
Diana, which I first tasted in the Cabaret Andalus in Baghdad in 1956." Mustapha was overcome with nostalgia, and his rheumy camel eyes filled with tears as the memories flooded back. "Forty-five fils a bottle it was, that was forty'five pence, and that was a lot for a pint in 1956." He sighed, emotionally drained. "It was camels p*ss then and it's camels p*ss now."
"You wanna coffee, Mustapha?" The voice was sultry and seductive. "You wanna bring that sexy hump back to mine?" At first, Mustapha couldn't see where the voice was coming from but then, looking down...
saw nothing. "Down here you thick camel, down here!" The voice, though still sultry, had replaced 'seductive' with irritability. Mustapha swished his tail, angrily, and...
...flicked over the tiny irritant in the process. 'Now look what you've done,' said the voice. 'I'll care to remind you that where there's blame, there's claim and that tailflick has caused me great injury. You owe me...'
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'Well, bless my hairy humps,' he exclaimed to a passing sidewinder (though it sounded, through gritted teeth, like 'gless gy airy gunks'), 'I've only got a message from...'
CUT
...but then, looking straight ahead...
"Down here you thick camel, down here!" The voice, though still sultry, had replaced 'seductive' with irritability. Mustapha swished his tail, angrily, and...
'Now look what you've done,' said the voice. 'I'll care to remind you that where there's blame, there's claim and that tailflick has caused me great injury. You owe me...'
And at that, the voice rolled up its sleeves, which is quite a feet for a voice, and then rolled...