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Opinions needed before I give up writing
Forgive me for what might be seen as a self indulgent post. I was going to email the few TB'ers that I often correspond with but decided to post here as I respect and welcome the opinions of all of you on here. I also apologise now for "wearing my heart on my sleeve" (and for the cliche) but this is just me.
So... a person who I am /was very close to has said to me yesterday that my writing is nonsense, everything I write is cr**, and why do I even bother. This person is experiencing bad mental health problems this last week - which actually I am too - and I am trying to drag from the depths of my heart the belief that these words were spoken because of this.
However it has floored me - completely.
Literally hundreds of people have read my writing and commented very positively about it - but today I don't believe any of that anymore. I am just gutted.
Can anyone spare 5 minutes to look at my website, my blog or my contributions on TB One Word and tell me... is my writing cr** ?
Please don't patronise me and say that it's ok if you think it's not.
Thanks for your time.
Comments
Edited: I've looked at some of your OWC things and agree with the others. Nothing to worry about there.
[quote=lexia]This person is experiencing bad mental health problems this last week [/quote]
Say no more.
Keep going at it. I have read your Crossing Borders book,from cover to cover, as you already know (I usually give up after the first chapter if I consider something to be utter nonsense).
You have a lot to offer - believe in yourself more, much more.
Listen a moment. I spent all of Saturday evening enduring a torrent of bitterness and hatred and downright nastiness from my daughter, and they don't come much closer than that. She said what she has said many times before only with an extra edge of nastiness on it, that she hates where we live, both town and Island, hates the neighbours (I have no time for them but I don't hate...) hates my work and the people I work with, hates my spiritual work and all that it means, hates my books because they come out of the spiritual work and all round denigrated virtually everything I do and am. That's tough to handle. This came after a day of bitching from the moment she got out of bed to the evening. Literally. Even to 'oh for God's sake just park, you don't need to drive round the entire ******** car park!' (At Tescos)
The fact is, those closest to us can do the most damage, simply because they are closest to us and it hurts more. YOU CAN WRITE! your book Crossing Frontiers was moving and evocative and held my attention throughout! Time to think positive, dear one, think sense and see through the comments for what they are, a jealous punch at you through frustration and unhappiness at the condition they find themselves in.
Just like you, we all go through spells when nothing seems to be going right and we think our writing is crap and I should give up trying- been there, done that (frequently) and you will come out of it and know that isn't true- you'd stop writing never because you need to write.
You have the comments of other people who have confirmed that you can write and they have got something from reading it.
Sometimes we just need to stop and say 'at the moment too much is going on in my life and I'm struggling to write' so don't force it, step back and look after you, and very quickly you will remember why you write and that you can write well.
(((((Lexia)))))
Secondly, from that thread last week with the link to author's ten recommendations to writers - if you think you're good, you're not... ergo those with doubts are more likely to be good!
Thirdly, anyone who does anything creative gets dissed by the jealous, until they are JK Rowling/Carol Ann Duffy/win a Bafta.
Of course you can write.
Now go do something to clear your head. Personally, I recommend a cake and cappuccino, followed by a few chapters of a good book. Then start writing again.
PS. I looked for a link to your blog, not because I wanted to check if you could write (the very thought!!!), but because I have a rubbish blog and wanted to look at a better one. Please can we have the link?
I endorse that solution from MAbh. You are a writer; you can write and the other person is probably just jealous that you can do something they can't. Take no notice of them.
The doubts are in your own head.
I just blogged about this very thing. Read it here:
http://flyingtart.blogspot.com/2010/02/excuse-me-if-i-hate-your-work.html
lexia wrote: This person is experiencing bad mental health problems this last week
[/quote]
ditto
lexia, even if your writing is crap so what? If you enjoy writing it then it is your writing, so what is it to them?
If YOU think you want to improve, then the only way to do so is keep writing. If YOU don't think you want to carry on, then give up.
Your writing is your business. That person is welcome to their opinion, but it don't make them right.
As dora says, if you dont want to carry on, then dont but I think that should be your decision and not influenced by someone who you have identified as having their own issues at present.
Best of luck whatever you decide.
and many people have enjoyed your writing. Only you can decide whether you want to continue but I hope that you will feel more positive soon and not allow bitter words to spoil your interest.
Im sure Im just repeating things other people have said here but thats good! It means it must be right :D
Writing is something I hope I never perfect, because learning and editing are half of the fun of writing a story! I know people say that the editing part is the worst, but deep down all writers enjoy honing their craft. Even if the people that rubbish your work are world famous authors it doesnt mean they are right. I know several famous authors (not personally) who dislike each others work but I rate them all as excellent authors!
As for other people saying they dont like your work good! Thats great! The day everyone on the planet says your work is the best, is the day the entire planet started lying to you. People have different opinions, which is a positive. Without differing tastes there would only be one genre, one author to write it and mass readings of the same book. Id rather have a cult following of people who reallllly enjoyed my books rather than a larger following who are mostly blasé about my work.
Now go find some paper and a pen, or a computer, and write, write, write!!
I'm sure, in the past, you've had useful and positive feedback/critique from those whose opinions count (publishers, agents, manuscript appraisal services, your readers?) Go by their opinions, Lexia.
I'm quite choosey about who I tell about my books and I don't even give them to friends/family or discuss ideas with them either. It's not easy to keep yourself going as a writer at times and the last thing you need are the unjustified and destructive comments of people who have no idea what they are talking about.
I haven't read any of your work, either, though I wil look at your blog in the next few days.
But I just wanted to say: Please please please don't give up.
I do understand how a single bad comment can knock all the confidence out of you. I know because I've experinced it. No matter how many other people tell you your work is good - that one single comment can cancel it all out in a flash. Especially if it's from someone close to you or whose opinion you particularly respect.
But this happens to all writers sometimes - unless they are very, very lucky.
Don't give up. Grit your teeth and carry on. It may take a while for your equilibrium to be restored - but it WILL HAPPEN. Honestly.
Don't give up.
Obviously, everything we all say to you can be taken with a pinch of salt. The most important question you need to ask yourself is not -- how talented am I? Or -- how good do others think I am? The only question that matters is how does writing make you feel? In the end, it doesn't matter what the rest of the world thinks about your work. You're not writing for anyone else. You're writing because you love to write. You're writing because you love that feeling you get when you're caught up in the magic of it and it feels like no force in the universe is powerful enough to stop you. You're writing because, when you're in that place, everything else falls away, and then there's just you, and the page, and the worlds you have created in your mind. You're writing because you can't not write.*
Don't give up.
*SA*
*yeah, I know, double negative. Naughty *SA*, but I used it for a good reason. ;)
Of course you can write, Lexia.
Why don't you write something moving about your friend?
And...
'Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.'
Mark Twain
x
Don't stop Lexia. Great big hugs of support to you, but also to your friend. Alas, h/she is out of order and for once you must ignore them.
Your thoughts and comments are so much appreciated - thanks so much.
The ironic thing is that I have had a lengthy talk with the person today who is gutted that they said what they said - they were having a bad day and can't believe that they said such a thing and are so sorry.
Dorothy - You telling me about your daughter rang true with me. I need to be as strong as you are.
FT - great blog, thanks
Joanne and anyone else who did - thanks for looking at my website
The link to my blog is on my website www.write-place.co.uk
The blog itself is wwwbrendaabouelola.blogspot.com
(sorry I don't know how to put them on here as as direct link)
Everyone - thankyou.
Having thought about this whilst being trapped in the lounge with a dog on my foot, this person hasn't been constructive. S/he hasn't given a considered constructive response. They can have no basis for their comments.
He is feeling a lot better tonight... and so am I !
Thanks, Bill.
Huggythings, if that is your bent, sunshine from my heart and mind if not!
Chin up, Chuck!
You can open a second tab (or however your system works) so one tab is TB and the second is the site you want.
Go to the other site, copy the address in the browser bar then switch to TB and paste the address you copied in the comments box.
Then submit your comment.
Return to the discussions page then click go onto that thread and when it opens you should see your last comment and you should see your link appear in blue.
http://wwwbrendaabouelola.blogspot.com/
Thanks Carol - just testing to see if I have done it right this time ....
I see the political situation still exists up your way...;)
Just read the beginning of 'Crossing Borders' on your website, and now want to read the rest (am going to order it).
Am looking forward to reading your blog, too.
Glad to hear the person in question has taken back what they said. Gosh - by loving people we give them so much power to hurt. Be strong, take heart...
Hugs
I've read your book. There is absolutely no doubt you can write. So get on with it!
Mind you, and here's another realistic way of considering your writing: what about making it better. A sure way of raising your own opinion of your writing would be to inject improvement by enrolling on a writing course. I know my own writing is good, but it's not good enough for what I want, which is for me to become a published writier, so I'm researching this myself. It's easy to forget that no artist has ever produced perfection. Michelangelo's David, even, could have been better, as I'll bet he knew. Can I indulge myself by imagining da Vinci working on his Mona Lisa and knowing that he had a masterpiece on his hands, but feeling frustrated as he painted over her lips for the tenth time; then visiting Raphael for advice on doing his mouths... but after a week, coming away not only with the answer but filled with inspiration for his eyes as well.
If I choose a course tailored to my needs I'm sure I'll sense that my writing is better after putting in the course work; quite regardless of what others think of it. Perhaps this would be a nice way to bounce back from criticism?
I have read your work over a period of time and I believe your writing to be very good and well worth continuing with. I understand how this must have made you feel, but you have to remember that people have different tastes and what is to one person's liking may not be to another. If you take the overall balance you have hundreds who think it is great and 1 who doesn't - they are statistics that even the best selling authors would like to have. Maybe where that person is right now is just not the audience you are aiming at. That is fine. Write for the people who love your work and keep writing, please.
I have read your website and your blog, both are really good and have inspired me to get back to mine, so keep it up and good luck :-)
See you on the next high point.
so take away what the 100s of people have said not just one person :)
what is your website? id love to have a look at your work,
Tammy x
Not saying you should, but if you become so disillusioned then give up on sending it out rather than writing. Then maybe, a couple of years down the line, with your confidence back, you'll WANT to send a ms off.