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How to Murder People



  • Question. Why can't we just shoot the guy... With an exploding crossbow bolt? The weapon is in A PS3 game so I don't know if that would be allowed...
  • This is a great thread. Oh! I've got another one...

    Tie a line of fishing wire across a stair, near the top of the staircase

    Set up some kind of noise/commotion to go off downstairs or in the garden. (You could get your lover to do it, if it was in the garden. No break-ins involved, although a dummy break-in might be better and leave out some stuff to be "stolen").

    Let him go to sleep and when the noise wakes you both up make a really big fuss and get him to go (rush, ideally) downstairs. And yes, you've seen it coming, he trips on the wire and falls down the stairs and breaks his neck.

    Make sure wire is removed and disposed of before the emergency services arrive.

    Downside of this: he only breaks all his limbs and you've got an invalid in plaster for the next six months, in which case you could...
  • PBW that reminds me of what the horrible monsters do to Kim Darby in, 'Don't Be Afraid of the Dark.'
  • Tell your bookmaker that Murray AND Ward both won their semi-finals today, so there'll be two Britons in tomorrow's final.
  • edited June 2011
    [quote=paperbackwriter]He divorced me for being 'old and frumpy'[/quote]

    PB Bear, I am astounded at that accusation that you should be considered old and frumpy. Your posts to TB are always generally light hearted and amusing and you come across as a lovely (EDITED TO SAY and intelligent) person.

    If that was his opinion then you are well rid xx
  • I would kill with poison then get flesh eating beetles to do the rest of the job ( stolen from the Natural History Museum)
  • using gloves 'pod' a medium spoonful of laburnum seeds and mix with breakfast granola - (gloves necessary as every part of tree is poisonous - you can even absorb the poison just leaning against a laburnum tree on a hot summer's day which is a whole other story)
  • An Isotonic injection of an alpha emitter.

    One would be cooked from the inside out. Currently not dectected on your average autopsy. Very evil way to die.
  • edited June 2011
    Abduct your victim and infect him or her with a flesh-eating bug (they do exist- the type you might find treated in a hospital) and leave them locked up somewhere, but do take precautions not to leave your DNA anywhere.
  • Carol I just mentioned flesh eating bugs 3 posts above! great minds!
  • I meant the bacteria type Kateyanne. :D
  • This is a true death.

    A man was tied up and force fed a slab of butter. It blocked his airway and he died. The murder then removed the butter and told the police he was drunk. They found butter in his throat and arrested the murderer.

    If anyone wants to see some great deaths search for 1000 ways to die! on utube. Here is my favs...



    For a full list fo deaths click here...

  • Sorry for the bad sound folks.

    A group of teens play a game where two of them kiss while in separate moving cars. One couple's tongue piercings get caught together, and they are unable to free themselves. A forklift passes between the cars, and they are decapitated.

    A man faces a firing squad. All ten men miss him but he has a heart attack and dies anyway. Ironic?
  • [quote=dora] I am astounded at that accusation that you should be considered old and frumpy.[/quote]

    Don't worry, alot of it's in my book.

    'The pen is mightier than the mashed potato cum powdered glass.'

    'Hell hath no fury, etc.' Ha!

    You just WAIT! The way I've written about it, even I laugh and I wrote it! I'm getting over it now, but thanks for being kind. It's always nice to be patted on the head (anywhere else and you have to have authorisation or be tall, dark, handsome and hot - or that lawyer in Spiral...cor...)
  • My God stf your death ideas are out of this world! I'm jealous, really! Very good!
  • [quote=SilverLinings]One would be cooked from the inside out.[/quote]

  • For those who wish to be up to speed on their quotations, and this is from William Congreve (glad I looked it up before I assumed it was Shakespeare), I'll complete this one, if it's of interest.

    '...nor hell a fury like a chicken curry exploding in the microwave.'
  • An ancestor of mine was killed by his wife Sarah French and her teenage lover at Chiddingly in Sussex when they laced his favourite onion pie with arsenic. Sarah was the last Sussex woman to be publicly hanged at Lewes in 1852.

    It seems poisoning by arsenic hidden in onion wasn't that uncommon; it must have disguised the flavour.
  • :D
    In much earlier times they didn't have the forensics so could get away with a lot.
  • Create a persona on a forum - bit like this one - and then feed someone's paranoia until they spontaneously combust.
  • Ooh BB that reminds me of a line from a song "we talk and we talk until my head explodes" :)
  • could murder someone by playing Britney Spears over and over and over, with a little subtle choreography using a pick axe "hit me baby one more time"
  • Oh, Webbo, what have you unleashed?
  • [quote=Dwight]It took the whole film for the guardians of the law to work out how the guy who died at the start of the first reel had been killed. He'd been shot with an ice bullet.[/quote]

    I like the idea of murder by an ice weapon (only in fiction of course). The ice bullet theory has been put to the test. It didn't work, the bullet vapourised when the gun was fired.

    In my story, a woman presses down heavily on her sleeping husband's throat with a block of ice to stop the oxygen supply. There is a twist to the tale!
  • Blue Ice is the main one. If you can come up with a way to kill somebody on purpose with that then you have a hit (don't post on here though).
  • Interesting!
  • An aggressive, laboratory-bred, mutation of the Giant Rat of Sumatra, cloned in thousands and infected with a virulent strain of Bubonic plague. To be let loose in high density population areas with the intention of indiscriminate mass murder.
    ( This method for terrorist use only)

    Story already written
  • Ergh!
  • I'm so glad I don't write murder stories...;)
  • edited June 2011
    Don't worry, Carol. There always has to be a victim ... ;)
  • YIKES!!!!! ;)
  • Only joking. :)
  • Several ice references here - I loved Bad girls where Yvonne Atkins (Shirley in Eastenders) was trapped in a no-longer-used cell and stabbed with an ice-pick that melted. Highly convoluted and camp but what a great series. When they discovered Yvonne's body my hubby said it was the ultimate Atkins' Diet!
  • Strap a man under your car and take a nice long drive. Return to his house and nail his body to his front door! Leave a message with the body if you want to.
  • My god stf, I think you need to stop drinking that strong cocoa at bedtime. It's giving you bad dreams.
  • I have been having bad dreams recently...
  • Convince someone that their reality is their dreams and slowly watch them go insane.

    Of course you'd need a very large stuffed animal to wander around occasionally, but that shouldn't be hard to arrange.
  • [quote=Baggy Books]Convince someone that their reality is their dreams and slowly watch them go insane.[/quote]

    Sounds like a terrific theme for a novel, that one. There's a mental illness isn't there? where a person is asleep and they wake up...and they wake up...and they wake up.... like a set of Russian Dolls and they reach a point when they can't tell whether they really are awake or dreaming.

    Tell me more about the stuffed animal, BB...
  • Yes but before you can convince somebody their reality is their dreams, you first have to detemine what is reality and what is dream, don't you?
  • edited June 2011
    I regret mentioning my bad dream now... Did I mention it involed an evil giant chicken/owl pecking me to death?!

    There's one for you Webbo, like the god who stole fire and gave it to the humans, your intended victim can be tied down and pecked to death by birds! I'll die of fear before I die of being pecked

    I have a real phobia of birds or anything with beaks by the way. Seagulls, eagles, Hawks... I'm okay with pigeons.
  • You read Daphne du Maurier's story when you were too young or saw Hitchcock's film?
  • No, and I never will!
  • What about Orville Stf? Does the thought of him cause you any problems?
  • No, green is my favourite colour! He's also wears a nappy which lowers the fear factor.
  • [quote=paperbackwriter]Tell me more about the stuffed animal, BB... [/quote]

    Giant rabbit? Big and gappy teeth, long and floppy ears, fluffy but smelly bum?
  • [quote=paperbackwriter] There's a mental illness isn't there? where a person is asleep and they wake up...and they wake up...and they wake up.... like a set of Russian Dolls and they reach a point when they can't tell whether they really are awake or dreaming.
    [/quote] Are you thinking of the film Inception?
  • [quote=Baggy Books]Giant rabbit? Big and gappy teeth, long and floppy ears, fluffy but smelly bum? [/quote]

    Are you thinking of the film Donnie Darko?!
  • Should stf win from sheer number of ideas?

    Should stf win because I'm scared of him now?
  • edited June 2011
    You mean you weren't scared of me untill this thread? I've only made sixteen ideas. if you really want me to brainstorm for you... ;-)
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