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How to Murder People



  • for one so young , you have such a devious mind stf
  • Loving all this - you lot have come up with a scarily impressive list of suggestions. Hope they'll spark a lot of short stories - these ideas are too good to waste. What about entering WM's crime writing short story comp? Deadline's 15 August.
  • Hi! I'm new to all this communication stuff, how ever, I have sent in a murderous suggestion but have not seen it posted yet.Hope I'm doing things right.Some vivide entries so far.
  • edited June 2011
    Hi, Francis. Welcome to Talkback. According to your Account/Profile, your above post is the only one you've made. Why not introduce yourself on a new thread under Welcome Writers and tell us your writing and reading genres.
  • J.M thank you for the kind reply.Please excuse my ignorance but how do I get to Welcome Writers and what do you mean by a new thread.When I finish work I will do my best to get there.Look forward to it.x.
  • Hi francis, to send in a murderous suggestion just do exactly as you have done in your two previous posts (the name for the messages you've typed up there on this page) but tell us your murderous suggestion!

    A thread just means a conversation. You'll see a list of them on the main page. This is one thread (or discussion), made up of posts (or comments). Welcome Writers is another thread which you'll find if you click on the Categories tab at the top of the page. Click on Start a New Discussion (bright red on the top left of the page) to start your own thread to say hello - you'll soon be inundated with friendly replies!
  • stf is outstandingly original in his ideas and I suggest he writes a book called 'A hundred ways to murder people'.
  • [quote=st force] if you really want me to brainstorm for you... [/quote]

    no doubt that will include yet another murder?
  • No doubt. Perhaps we shouldn't encourage him. :)
  • Iwould make a very small hole in an egg inject some cianide and seal it up place it back in the fridge.
    I have a few ideas in mind how this will start and end with a tiwsty bits of course.
  • [quote=paperbackwriter]stf is outstandingly original in his ideas and I suggest he writes a book called 'A hundred ways to murder people'. [/quote]

    Perhaps under a pseudonym as it might be used as evidence at his trial!
  • Mumsie says if there is a murder at my school I'll be put in a straight jacket and locked away in a padded cell.
  • I bet she looks at you STF and thinks "aah, and he was such a sweet baby" :) heh heh
  • [quote=st force] I'll be put in a straight jacket [/quote]

    You've been reading one of my stories!
  • :-) You were right about killing someone for the brainstorm. I have to use someones brain!
  • edited June 2011
    That's OK - I'm a friend of Dorothy. I don't have a brain.
  • If you're the victim you won't need a brain...;)
  • I thought zombies liked brains?
  • On toast?
  • No, Dora, Welshmen like that.
  • edited June 2011
    Maybe we should ask one?

    Edit: Posted at the same time as Gully's post above.
  • and generally the mining community in Yorkshire.
  • Would it be possible to kill everyone in the town of Yorkshire at once? If we all fed them poisoned toast at once perhaps?
  • Ahem, STf, the "Town of Yorkshire" is a clear indication that you might generally need to pay more attention during your Geography classes.
  • We'll go together, St F. To the classes, that is. Nothing more sinister.
  • edited June 2011
    Apart from that, it would be extremly difficult to poison anyone from a mining community due to their incredibly well-tuned immunity to all things that would cause us to vomit at the thought. Rats, for example. You don't see many rats around Wakefield or Doncaster, but you can find many millions of tiny bones in those really big hills that they made from that black stuff.
  • [quote=st force]He's also wears a nappy which lowers the fear factor. [/quote]

    That really made me laugh, Stf! You're on a roll with this thread - love it! (But sort of glad I'm not your mum.) :)
  • edited June 2011
    His homework is suffering, Claudia.
  • he hasn't gotany now, Jay. He'sfinished his exams.
  • [quote=Gully]Ahem, STf, the "Town of Yorkshire" is a clear indication that you might generally need to pay more attention during your Geography classes. [/quote] I was too busy planning a death to pay much attention in class, Gully.

    You wouldn't like my school Jay. I don't. Yes, I should be doing homework right now but guess what? I’m on Talkback planning deaths instead.

    I'm glad I'm not my mum too. Would you believe in school I'm the quiet boy who keeps his head down and gets on with his work? (Most of the time anyway. If I’m not doing school work I’m writing)
  • [quote=Lolli]he hasn't gotany now, Jay. He'sfinished his exams. [/quote] You would think so, wouldn't you?
  • Well stf you are either mad or brilliant . Of course you could be brilliantly mad as well
  • edited June 2011
    [quote=Jay Mandal]His homework is suffering[/quote]

    Maybe I meant something other than the obvious. (;
  • I'm so wound up at the moment I'm trying hard not trawl this thread for ideas. Gggrgrrggrrrggrgrgrrrrrr.
  • I think you failed at that, Lily.

    May I suggest finding the person causing the stress in your life and do the following...

    Tie them to the front of a train or if you don't have one your car. Then take a relaxing drive going up and down all the hills and tight turns you can find. If they don't die of fright and call the police... leg it!
  • There are too many of them "causing stress in my life", Jack.

    Actually I have a great many noxious methods in mind for this thread, but they're all assigned to upcoming stories. :)
  • edited June 2011
    Take them for a drive one at a time?

    I've read some of your stories Lily so I would hate to cause you stress. I can remember reading a quote that would be perfect write now. "Never annoy a writer. You may end up in one of their books." Something like that.
  • You said it Jack, you said it.
  • Get your victim very drunk and when they are fast asleep, press on both carotid arteries at the same time. Death will soon follow.
  • Zap 'em with a "Honey I shrunk the kids" gun and then stick them in here, with this lot


    Mwhah haha
  • [quote=cath]carotid arteries [/quote]

    aha, I see a flaw cath, s'pose your intended victiom hadn't eaten any carrots recently? Hahaaaaaa
  • serve up undercooked chicken that has been sat in the the sun all afternoon,from a summer barbie to the person you want to get rid of. Smother it in barbecue sauce/marinade so they don't notice the blood oozing out. Follow it up with other dodgy foods (Underdone burgers, salad washed in ecoli solution, sausages that are slightly off etc). If you get them thoroughly drunk as well you stan two chances - choking in their own vomit, or really severe food poisoning - which they are too drunk to realise they've got.
  • Midsomer Murders spring to mind there Lolli!
  • Thanks for the info Lou I'll give it a whirl.Ta.
  • Morning Webbo
    I have just been to have a look in Talkback and came to a usful bit for me. New to wtiting
    and the web address when I tried it the page that appeared said it was not available any more.
    If it has been removed is there another I can try.Ta.
  • Francis what was the web address/thread you were looking at?
    Sometimes ages after a web address get posted here the source can move the item, the item is only there for a certain time anyway, it may have since gone behind a paywall, or there may have been a cut-off date and it's been removed.
  • Well, I've been reading and enjoying this while waiting for something this morning. And to the person who suggested fine, ground glass, you can get that in an Etch-a-Sketch. I let my daughter play with the one I had as a child, until I noticed a grey powder leaking round the controls - I phoned them up and they said it was harmful, ground glass, and to throw it away and they'd send her a new one. I declined, as it had served its time - a good 30 years!
  • Have you noticed Webbo's absence? Do you think we have got him worried...;)
  • I've been cowering under my desk! Thank god there's only three more days for suggestions.
  • [quote=Liz!]And to the person who suggested fine, ground glass, you can get that in an Etch-a-Sketch[/quote]

    Etch-a-Death more like!
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